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Praise the Lord! What a day – what a day! I am functioning on that lovely 3 hours of sleep but I know I shall make it through. You know there comes a time in our lives that we come to understand that we can only rely on people so much. I was thinking about Sister Angela’s blog and her ‘question’ on how to deal with people that hurt you or take advantage. I started thinking about my own past experiences in that and can only pray that God will lead her in the right direction as it is not an easy task. 

Yet I have been talking to the Lord in my heart about some things that have been said to me and trying hard not to cry about it or to be upset about it but sometimes it is really hard not to do so. It is like being told that you are not living up to things and that you are not worthy of it. I fight hard not to hide in the corner and to come out to socialize and play with others in a friendly manner, but I really want to just go back in the corner sometimes. Not out of depression or anything, but more out of safety sake. I have to watch what I say all the time and though I am on fire for the Lord – people try to make you think that you are not to say things and that you have to always be one way or another.  

I have always said things that I mean in live and compassion and though sometimes I am direct and straightforward – of course I am told I do not love enough. I had to stop and think about that too…it truly hurt my feelings when I was told that – I mean it really did. It made me want to sit back and shut up. Why bother if people are going to take it in that manner? Of course, God is not done with me, but yet and still – I take so much from others, all the time. Yet I am held in a different light – why is that? I see people make promises to others that are not kept…I see things go on around me and people professing to love Christ but really deep down inside very insecure of who they are despite the persona that they give to others. I see it plain as day – but when I am real and who I am – not making excuses for my faults or my areas of improvement – I am put down by these very same people.  

Now have I prayed about this very subject yet – not really as I do not really want to start things in my mind as of yet, but I know I must because it is starting to really bother me that people do these things in front of me, around me and even to me. It amazes me as I try so hard to keep my mouth shut but it still comes out and I know that prayer is needed before I just let it all out on those that do these things, yet then part of me goes – why not – they deserve it but then the other part of me says – not your place to do so – trust in the Lord and let Him handled the situation.  

I started thinking about my life and how the Lord is molding me. He is making me His child and it does not feel that great most times. I was listening to a sister testify on Sunday about our women’s day presentation…the presentation was of pottery and it being molded and related to how we are molded in Him. As she was telling a few things about the presentation – she made a few things clear in her few words…first the pounding that it takes as a step of pottery, the kneading it takes in pottery and the smoothing that it takes in pottery. (There are more steps but these three are the ones that today stick out the most to me.) I started thinking about my own life in the Lord – and He is still pounding things out of me and it does NOT feel great at all. Yet it needs to go away…the good thing is I am accepting it in my life and not running from it as a lot of people run from this stage in their lives. They will see all the wrong in others and pretend to see the wrong in themselves or see no wrong at all – both are very dangerous to a Christian and needs to be addressed immediately in the Lord…yet most times we choose to ignore those things within ourselves. Yet some things God will kneed out of our lives –over time they are refined and gone from us…still a little painful but yet and still loving and kind in the process. But the smoothing to me is the best because it is when He is just refining who we are and smoothing things out – just a few rough sides here and there but so easy to smooth out of us. I am just thinking about all of those things and how they pertain to my life. 

Man I have come such a long way in the Lord but yet and still I have a long way to go…I am learning the scripture….

Matthew 7:2-4 2For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

I know that I have a long way to go and I pray to the Lord that He will continue to change me – my hubby says he sees change in me so for that I am grateful. I am praying that I see my sisters in a different light – in the light that Jesus sees them so that I can love them even when they hurt me, so I can love them even when they treat me poorly, so that I can love them as Jesus says to love them. During the retreat this year, Sister Brandi spoke on love, and the one point that she said that keeps sticking with me is that you ask to love others – get ready for opportunities to love others despite what they do. It is not easy and I am on that path – but when I am done with this process – God will get the glory out of it.  

Yet it is painful and it hurts so much but I know that God will change me into the woman that He has called me to be…so for all those that read…take this into consideration…when you are speaking to someone – remember that the words you use can change a person’s life…choose your words and actions wisely – consult the Lord first and follow His direction – you can not go wrong then, showing love is not always easy when you are in pain but know that God will bring ya through it and you will grow because of it.

God Bless!