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Being a Mom 10/07/2009
 
Praise the Lord! I just had to blog this – get it out or whatever it is that I need to do. My son is only 8 years old. I brought him home from Mississippi when he was six weeks old. We were called at the last minute to pick him up and I jumped on a plane – snatched him out the arms of the adoption agency lady and jumped right back on a plane headed home. I did not even get a chance to look at him really good until we were seated on the plane. We were in Jackson, Mississippi and the same plane that brought us there was the same plane that took us back home.  

Oh January 18, 2001 – what a day that was for me! I was blessed with my son that day and I began to make mistake after mistake after mistake. I love my son and I loved him then, but I spent so much time at work trying to get the ever desired Managers position. I did not think about what all my hours at work would do to my relationship with my son. He was with his dad – my husband at the time – so there was nothing that I thought out of line with that. He (my ex husband) wanted me to get that position so that we would have more money and get to do a lot more things. He was more oriented on enjoying life and not having more children so I was trying to help in that area by bringing in more money to show him that we could have it both.  

Until that faithful day – when he left us – Jonathan and I were not where we needed to be to survive this without some major issues. We did not really know each other…sure I did the mommy thing – but he was young then – went to bed at 8 PM – so after getting home at 6 PM – that left two hours of time daily – the weekends he went with his dad all the time the older he got – so I was just the one who tried to enforce the ‘rules’ that dad was so intent to break. His dad never disciplined him or not give him what he wanted, whatever Jonathan wanted Jonathan got for the first 5 ½  years of his life. The first 4 years was given by dad, that last year and a half was mom. I was so lost for a year that whatever Jonathan wanted I gave it – just so I could wallow in my own self pity.  

I lost who I was and in the meantime I was losing my son. His dad not only left me, but he left him too. Oh the devastation behind that was so hard for both of us, we both walked around in a daze for so long. Yet starting on Sunday, February 19, 2006 – I started to come back to myself – the self that God was calling me to come back too. It was a year after he left and I was just coming to the realization that Jesus really was watching out for me. I was sitting there thinking to myself as I laid in that hotel room – what else can I do Jesus – I give my life to you…but I forgot one thing that night – to give my son to Jesus!  

I made changes immediately that day when I returned home…I started reading the word more, I started ignoring the calls from his dad that were not related to Jonathan. I started paying more attention to what my son was doing and saying…oh my goodness – who is this unruly child – who is this child I had loved so much standing before me telling me what he was NOT going to do.  

Okay – I thought well he is grieving his dad still, and he was and still is but that does not mean I can not raise him right…well here comes the rebellion….all was good in trying to get him there until school started. Jonathan’s birthday is in December so he was almost six when he started kindergarten which I was kind of glad about because I believe if he would have started earlier that we would have had more issues than we did.  

We have a child that can not express himself – we have a child who has an attachment disorder – we have a child mourning the loss of his dad that is not in his life for almost 4 years now – we have a child that is being raised by Holiness Christian parents who believe the word of God for the word and strive to live it and raise him accordingly…. 

Guess what the hardest part of the entire situation is…  

As parents – Merv and I believe the following scriptures in our child rearing: 

Proverbs 22: 5 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. 

Proverbs 13:24He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. 

Proverbs 22:15Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Acts 16:31And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house. 

The learning of being a parent has been really something these last few years – the closer I get to the Lord – the more of a learning process it is and my son is teaching me so much. Not only is he teaching me how to be a better parent, but a better Christian and wife too. The battles that used to go on between my husband and I – which now are not as bad as before as I am learning that he is a man and thinks differently than I do as I am that emotional mom! Yet it is all necessary in raising our son. 

There are duties that we both must follow and we needed to lean into our strong points, I am good at loving up my son and letting him know how important and special he is, along with discussing with him why it is important for him to do things in a certain way. My husband is good at discipline and following through on the things that we say, along with talking to him in a manner that he understands as a growing boy. The Lord has been showing me how important it is for children to have both a mother and a father – it was designed that way – we were the ones that messed it up.  

Hey yes we are – we selected the wrong mates to have children with – plain and simple – so in doing so – we ended up with these kinds of situations, where we are forced to either raise them without the benefit of both parents full time in the home.  

Yet the big challenge through all of it is getting him to see that he is not like his friends. It is a shame that there is so much division in even the Christian community as far as raising our children. We are particular about what Jonathan watches, listens to, and plays.  

He came home one day talking about how his friends say Transformers 2 and I told him he was not going to see that movie until I see it first to make sure there is not a lot of cussing and stuff in the movie. Of course he was disappointed, but these are the rules. He is only 8 years old – he will be 9 in December – I explained yet again to him that the ratings on movies was put on by the movie industry and if they were smart enough to warn us about the movie and what it contains then his mom is going to be smart enough to follow that guideline. I heard a minister say once that it is shocking how parents do not follow those guidelines – instead of telling our children no you can not see this movie – we assume R rated movie or PG-13 movie means we must go with them…but if you read the guidelines of the movies – the world knows we are not supposed to subject our children to this stuff but we are not even listening to that guideline.

PG-13 says Parents strongly cautioned – Films given this rating may contain sexual content, brief or partial nudity, some strong language and innuendo, humor, mature themes, political themes, terror and/or intense action violence. However, bloodshed is rarely present – yet rated R is restricted – Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian 21 or older. The parent/guardian is required to stay with the child under 17 through the entire movie, even if the parent gives the child/teenager permission to see the film alone. Yet because of society – they have changed this – it used to be NO ONE under the age of 17 was permitted to see this movie! – the only movies that are that rating now is NC-17 and that is really the replacement of the X rated movies 

Now as a mother who is trying hard to raise our son to put Jesus first and self last – whew – these other kids are really giving me a run for my money! I am blessed to have a saved husband right beside me praying for our son – working to bring him to where he needs to be. We are learning together and we do not always make the right decisions, but thank God we are flexible. We are learning what works for Jonathan and what does not work for him.  

He is still doing a lot of off the wall things in school, but Merv and I recognize that as spirits upon him – things that are just going to have to be prayed away, and corrected with conversations, direction and sometimes punishment depending on the situation. I am thankful that Merv has stopped thinking a spanking is needed for everything. Hey some things from our childhood are hard to die – so I am grateful for that. I am thankful that we see improvement in our son and though we still have a long way to go – we have seen changes in him for the better.  

God has blessed us with visions of our son – we both have seen Jonathan grown up and we both have seen him graduating from college. This is not by mistake – I know that we are going to go through some things with our son because the enemy is going to keep attacking our family because we serve the Lord – but I am learning that my son has testimonies too and one day he will be able to tell the world what Jesus has done for him…I will be grateful when he tells me!  

It is something as I see him learning how to pray, learning the word of the Lord and it returns to me in conversations later. We are some serious parents over here and Jonathan knows that our house serves the Lord – what he does when he moves out is on him but as long as he is in our house – he will have to follow our rules. So there is church on Sunday, there is choir practice on Saturdays and anytime we go to church – he has to go. He likes going anyhow so that is a good thing – but we are instilling in him now so when he is a teenager and goes through that period where he does not want to go – hummmm please that is not going to work. He must read his word every night along with praying before bed. We quiz him after giving him a passage to read. It is something as I see it working. I give him no more than 10 scriptures to read and then he must come back and answer my questions…if he can not – he goes back and reads them again – then comes back to answer my questions – if he still can not – then back he goes until the 3rd time – he still can not answer after that – I will read the 10 verses and then he has to answer them. I am seeing that his comprehension in class is getting better and so is his comprehension at home. It is a very slow process but I see a change! 

We taught him how to talk to God and giving him the opportunity to pray. When Merv is not around, Jonathan is responsible for praying over our meal – regardless of where we are. He says his own prayers at night with us as we want him to get in the habit of praying – sometimes I just stop him and ask him to pray – with the reasoning of ‘be ready’. He is something else when it comes to that – he is always ready – not always willing though! LOL  

I am thankful to God for the blessings of being a saved mother because despite it all – when in doubt – I can call on Jesus and I can open my manual for raising my son – the bible! Do not let people tell you there is no manual to raising our children – there is and it is called the bible! 

Okay – I am better now – mind is clearer and I am done with this writing! God Bless!