Praise the Lord – it is day Five in the programs and yet another day of expressing and letting go. It is clear to me that today I need to deal with NOT being alone in my house. I had become accustomed to being alone with my son. I was used to doing what I wanted when I wanted. Oh man is that gone! LOL
Last night after prayer service, I just had this sudden urge to be alone. What I mean is be alone with the Lord and being alone with myself in my own thoughts. I got out the car last night and spent some time downstairs with the kids (my nephew is here this weekend) and then just without saying a word, went upstairs to our room.
I am not sure if anyone even noticed because no one bothered me. This is rare, as no matter where I am, my son or hubby find me and asking me something. I take it as the Lord knowing that I needed this time and gave it to me.
Oh just to be in the bedroom alone without anyone snoring, or taking all the space in the bed. I was able to just relax and read the word, I ended up falling asleep as I was thinking and talking to the Lord. It was so relaxing, and I barely noticed when the hubby came to bed. It was a restful sleep and truly what I needed for me.
I have to get used to having Merv around all the time…LOL I love him and he is an awesome guy but my problem is that I am used to being alone and I am selfish! WOW, what a release that is. I am used to being here by myself and it is not easy, this is my adjustment that is not going to be easy but yet and still I will have the victory for Jesus is leading me and molding me.
The hardest part is when I want to be alone and cannot. I get irritable and everything everyone says works my last nerve. I have a houseful of people most times and that does not bother me, this is what happens when you have a seven year old and your husband is a minister. I can deal with that except when I want to be alone and without anyone around. I prayed last night for the Lord to show me what to do and how to handle it.
The first thing that came to mind was shut my mouth – keep my mouth shut and do not say a word when you know you want to be alone. I need to pray and seek the Lord. Also I shall start exercising the fact that I need to make sure I pray without ceasing especially when I am not in the right mood and walking in the flesh and not the spirit. Walking in the spirit is a full time job itself, I know that God will direct me in this area too.
Okay for the 100% honesty part…I started writing this and here comes my husband. He is still talking to me and I am kind of ignoring him because he sees I am typing. It is something how I will let him be when he is working on something, yet when I am working on something, I am to stop and spend quality time. Now is there anything wrong with him wanting to talk to me, no there is not, but yet and still if I am doing something on the computer, why not ask if what I am busy or not?
I know that to some this is nothing, but growing up my mother was anal about manners and presentation of self, to the extreme of going overboard. Now she was the extreme and if you think that you are not a product of your environment, well think again. I am like her to almost the same extent. I am anal when it comes to presenting the right front for all, does not matter if when you are home the whole things is a farce. I am bad when it comes to using manners. I enforce the not eating too fast, chewing with your mouth shut, not talking with food in your mouth, no dancing at the table, all kinds of things. I have transferred some of that to my son but not to the extent of my mom.
What is wrong with manners, nothing but when you allow yourself to hid behind a mask and not allow the real you to shine forth in all its goodness and not so goodness without being afraid of what others think is where we need to make the difference.
I have come to not be as bad as I used to be and truly opening myself up to being honest with myself and with others. I think sometimes that we hid behind the masks because we do not want to deal with what we are for real. I have come to remove the mask from my life and in doing so being honest with myself and for all others too. I believe when more Christians remove the mask, open our hearts to the Lord and truly exercise James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much, along with John 13:34A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another, we will find that we all will live life so much more abundantly.
Now before I go, let me go one just a little bit more about the masks. I think that most of us wear the masks because we are afraid of what others think of us because of the treatment that we have received in being honest. We teach our children this, we tell our sons not to play with dolls because it does not look right, we tell our daughters that girls do not climb trees because she is a girl. We start telling them from day one to conform to the way people are because we do not want their feelings to be hurt but yet we should be teaching them… Romans 12:1-2 1I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
We need to share more with each other and we need to stop worrying about what people think and do what is necessary to live the life that God has called us to live. I read something today that a brother in Christ wrote that I want to share with you, it is just a reminder that we all have faults, yet God loves us all still and always will. He can use your experiences to glorify him just as he used these people with their faults too…
There are many reasons why God shouldn't have called you.
But don't worry.... You're in good company.
Moses stuttered.
David's armor didn't fit.
John Mark was rejected by Paul.
Timothy had ulcers.
Hosea's wife was a prostitute.
Amos' only training was in the school of fig-tree pruning.
Jacob was a liar.
David had an affair.
Solomon was too rich.......Jesus was too poor.
Abraham was too old......David was too young.
Peter was afraid of death......Lazarus was dead.
John was self-righteous.
Naomi was a widow.
Paul was a murderer....So was Moses.
Jonah ran from God.
Miriam was a gossip.
Gideon and Thomas both doubted.
Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal.
Elijah was burned out.
John the Baptist was a loudmouth.
Martha was a worry-wart.
Mary was lazy.
Samson had long hair.
Noah got drunk.
Did I mention that Moses had a short
fuse?
So did Peter, Paul--well, lots of folks did.
But God doesn't require a job interview. He doesn't hire and fire like most bosses, because He's more our Dad than our Boss. He doesn't look at financial gain or loss. He's not prejudiced or partial, not judging, grudging, sassy, or brassy, not deaf to our cry, not blind to our need. As much as we try, God's gifts are free. We could do wonderful things for wonderful people and still not be ...Wonderful. Satan says, "You're not worthy." Jesus says, "So what? I AM." Satan looks back and sees our mistakes. God looks back and sees the cross.
He doesn't calculate what you did in '78. It's not even on the record. Sure. There are lots of reasons why God shouldn't have called us. But if we are magically in love with Him, if we hunger for Him more than our next breath, He'll use us in spite of who we are, where we've been, or what we look like. I pray that as Christians, we will step out of our limitations into the illimitable nature of who God is.
Then our passion for God and our passion to communicate Him will make mince-meat of our
limitations!
But he said to me, ``My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is
why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
Written by David of AN ENSIGN ON THE MOUNTAINS
Well that is all for today, have a blessed and wonderful day!
As I sit here after reading Step #3 in both of the programs, my mind goes to the thought that pulling the weeds is not as hard as we make it be, it is in our minds that we have to get over things. It is my mind that is holding me back, it is me not the past but how I handle it in my mind that holds me back from doing what I need to do.
Sometimes it is like no one gets what I am saying or that what I am saying is off the wall. Sometimes it is just my mind that makes me think that is what the real deal is, that I am off the wall. It is something when you stop and think about the things in your life that have been part of you for so long, yet and still, it needs to go. I am getting better at it in all areas of my life, some things take a little longer than others but I do not take it as a bad thing.
I do not look at myself as being perfect nor as some kind of know it all, but one thing I do know is – me, as Alissa Lynne. I have spent a lot of time in my mind and I know how I appear to others and I know how I portray myself. I think that sometimes we forget to look within ourselves and see that sin within us before we speak our words of wisdom to others. I think of the parable of the woman brought to Jesus because of adultery and how He said He without sin cast the first stone. (John 8:1-11)
I have a hard time taking advice/words of wisdom from people who are always saying negative things or always going through something just as much as people who are always telling you thus saith the Lord yet never tell you a thing about what is going on with them. I think that is why I am such a sharing person with what is on my mind all the time. I never want to appear as fake and phony, or someone who is depressed all the time.
As the founder of a woman’s group, it amazes me as how some people perceive me sometimes, well until they get to know me. My sisters in Christ who have been talking to me for awhile now, know that I have tons of moments and that I can be direct and straightforward if you ask me a question that requires that. It is part of me that is still being softened, but in my walk I have learned one thing that is one of the things that is so important in our walk with the Lord, it is all a process! We are all being molded and it is a process.
I thought the things I wanted changed was to happen all at once, I was trying to do it all at once and kept failing! LOL I know now that God does the molding and He will bring it to me in the times that I need it the most. His molding is way better than my ever trying to change. I know that I have issues with intimacy, with being calm when someone says something that hurts my feelings or makes me angry, I know that I have moments that I need to let things go and trust the Lord more, but yet I can not do it over night. It is one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time – heck one second at a time. It is truly what I need to do in my mind – focus on Jesus and forget the rest.
Okay, confession time…sometimes it is just the little things that get to me. I wrote the blog for yesterday and placed it on several different blog sites and someone gave me good advice, but yet I thought to myself, that is not the issue at hand, did they not read what I wrote. LOL Now as I look back, it was silly to think because it was clear to me that they were trying to help me but because I was tired, the enemy attacked my mind with something so trivial. I thank God that as I realized what my thought was – I rebuked it in the name of Jesus and said that this was not the meaning of their comment.
I think that is what is the important thing too…we have to come to see that we are human – so full of flesh that these things are going to happen. Once we are aware of it, we can address it right that minute and ask the Lord to continue to show us our areas of weakness so that we can turn it over to Him. I know why that happened and I was on guard all evening, but the minute I let down my guard a thought came in that should not have.
I was on guard all evening because of my commitment to expressing my love to my hubby in words and not just actions, so the enemy had to hit me some where else. He tried to get me to “go off” when the hubby went to kiss me with that garlic and onion breathe, but the Lord reminded me of my promise, so I covered my nose and laughed with my hubby about that nasty garlic/onion taste. I was truly thankful when he used the mouthwash! LOL I am serious thought - things like that (someone trying to kiss me with bad breathe) not only used to turn me off, but sour my mood. Praise God for the remembrance of His love for me and how He loves me even in my stupidity! AMEN!
It can be the little things that bring us down if we do not keep the Lord ever present in our face. I enjoyed our evening last night and I know my hubby did too. It is not always easy but it will be done if I continue to keep the Lord in my heart, mind, soul, spirit, and body at all times!
Well that is all for today…see ya tomorrow,
Love your sister in Christ,
Sister Alissa Lynne
Praise the Lord – as you may or may not know I am a keep it real sister. I keep it real with myself and those around me too. I am doing the Few Are Chosen and the Christian Counseling program on the http://christianityoasis.com The Few Are Chosen program was just something that I felt lead to do, not sure why yet but the learning is always good. Well part of that program is to do the Christian Counseling program too. None of this cost – it is all free and it is not for a degree but yet another step in doing some soul searching within our selves. I have been on a serious soul searching since Minister Merv and I have been talking marriage and I have yet to leave it.
Soul searching is not always fun and it is not always bad either. It helps with the growth in the Lord and one thing that the site recommended just as I do to everyone I talk too (maybe that is why I like the site) is to keep a journal. If you are shy – start out keeping one for yourself but the best ones are the public ones. Why do I say that…because the enemy plays in our minds too, he sends things our way and makes us believe that holding all that in will keep us okay. He is a liar and there is no truth in him. So no matter what is going on in your life, such as dealing with any kind of loss (spouse, child, significant other, courtship prospective, or job to name a few) or dealing with any kind of change in your life – let me tell you – keeping a journal of your thoughts is an awesome thing once you get started because it helps clear the mind and open up your thoughts to what God is saying to you. As I wrote the blog below for the site blogging program associated with the programs – I just wrote what came to my mind and wanted to share it with all of you.
I am not perfect but I am striving to be what God has called me to be – too many of us are struggling alone and not allowing the Lord to free us from the pain inside…may some one read this today and see that they are not alone. I got tons of mess inside of me and I shall be including all my sisters in Christ right here on this walk that I have with the Lord right here with each of you. I am not ashamed of the gospel and I am not ashamed of where I am right now in the Lord for the Lord is molding me to be in Him what He wants me to be. AMEN!! So here is the first day of blogging some serious thoughts within Sister Alissa Lynne – here is why I say the things I say and why I do what I do each day! AMEN!
Praise the Lord. I am doing both the Few Are Chosen along with the Christian Counseling – but using this blog here for both. I read today’s steps in both programs and it really got me to thinking…
Who Am I Really and What Are My Areas that are still not turned over to God? I was thankful while I read the Who Am I Really (twice already) that I have come a long way from my “previous” life. I used to hate myself and not like who I am when I look in the mirror, never really allowing the smile to reach my heart, laughter just not real. Now over time in Jesus, I can smile and it reaches my heart and I can laugh and it is real. I am thankful to the Lord for all of that – it was His love for me that got me here.
My area of improvement that is on my mind this day is letting people in that are close to me. I have no problem expressing myself, no problem listening to others and no problem with keeping it real either. It is letting go of that last piece of pain that holds me back from letting someone close to me be close to me without getting angry at them, for being close to me. I know that might sound strange but here let me explain it more…
In the beginning, I did not love myself and did not care for who I was, walking around all the time evil and mean. Well we know with the love of Jesus by being in His word, hearing what He was saying to my spirit, soul, and mind, I started to pray more. I was content and happy in being single and just serving the Lord. BUT GOD knew that my problem was deeper than I knew at the time. I had not yet let go of the past to allow myself to be love. I loved people to the best of my ability at that time, yet I still had yet to allow someone to love me and loving people also means allowing them to love you. God sent Minister Merv, my hubby, to me. We met on line as friends and as time progressed, we started courting. It was fine in the beginning as I did not have to allow him to love me, we were still getting to know each other. Well then things progress as they should have and I started having feelings for him beyond friendship, so the mean woman started creeping back inside of me. As she returned, I was mean to Merv, just mean and nasty. He asked me one day in a disagreement, why are you so unhappy and mean? I screamed on him that I did not know and I did not want to be mean – I told him I did not know how to change it. Well Merv started praying for me – after I hung up on him about 3 or 4 times, and I just started crying – I just cried until I was exhausted and peaceful. I was lying in my bed and the Lord told me to write…so I did. I wrote The Truth of Alissa Lynne I – it started the process of healing and living past all that pain from my childhood up until that present time.
It was the beginning process – the very beginning as this was still a long journey to do. I was still courting Minister Merv, who was/is very supportive of my growth as a person, yet he still loved me as the Lord had told him. I would get angry at him and ask him why is he even with me, his reply was always the same…I love you because Jesus told me to love you, there is nothing you can do about it for I do what Jesus tells me, get used to it woman! After awhile, I just did not think about it anymore and accepted it the best I could. The Lord told me that he was the one for me to be with, yet I was scared to marry him because of my past failures in marriage. Yet on July 25th, I married him.
This leads to whom am I and what areas I still need improvement in…as every day is a new day full of grace and mercy – yet another opportunity to walk with Jesus. So as I did my reading this day and thinking about all that I wrote above, my prayer today is to let go of that one area that is so hard for me to let go of and turn it over to the Lord. I know that I am right there ready to hand it over because the enemy is feeding my mind things and my flesh is falling for it, so I am writing today that I will show more love to my husband as he truly deserves the love of Jesus in me and not allow my nervousness about giving all I have to him stop me from loving him in the manner that he needs and I should. It is the finally step that I must do to move that next step in the Lord. I look at my walk as stairs…each step getting closer to the Lord when I let go of something and turn it over to Jesus – I see I am climbing another step.
So today, I am climbing another step in the Lord. When I go home today from work, I shall be affectionate with my husband. It is not our conversations that are dry, it is my affection towards him that is dry…it is the outward words that I need to work on and I know that today is going to be a different day. I know that the enemy is going to try to deter me from letting that go, but I know that God has something for me to learn in doing so. He has had me let things go before and I have come out of it with more joy and peace – well it is time for more joy and peace. Today is a new day and I shall be outwardly affectionate with my husband not just in my actions such as hugs and kisses (as that is not the issue) but in the words that come out of my mouth. I shall say more I love you, more “how was your day” more I missed you today and any other affectionate thing that comes to mind that I usually hold back out of being scared of rejection. It is my mind that needs to let it go for my spirit/soul knows that it is what I feel, I just need to express myself to him with the words of my mouth. Praise the Lord…thank you Jesus as the scripture rings clearly in my mind right now…
Psalm 19:14 – Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.
Amen – have a wonderful and blessed day!
Love your sister in Christ,
Sister Alissa Lynne
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