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Praise the Lord; this is day 8 in the program. It was an interesting read, as some of it was not what I believe 100% but yet still good words. It is something how people interpret things differently and it got me to thinking even more. We are all different in our own right which is awesome yet and still, which means that God is going to speak to each of us in different manners.

I have come to learn more in reading the bible, that some scriptures mean different things at different points in my walk with the Lord. It is like the words go deeper into my spirit and grant me a new outlook or understanding of the word. I thank God for that.

I do not come against what others say most times, unless it is clear that the Lord is telling me to do so. I believe that many of us have gifts, yet until we get to the “level” of understanding for that gift, the gift will not come until we are where we can understand them.  I am of Pentecostal faith, and though it is preached that you are not saved unless you are filled with the utterance of tongues, I do not believe that 100%. I believe that you are saved when you repent, accept Christ, baptized and then start walking the life of a Christian, in other words start showing that light of Jesus in you. Too many times people say I believe but yet do not act as they are, to me that is not a saved individual that is someone who straddles the fence. We have all seen people who do that, I used to do it myself. It depended on the company I kept at that moment what would come out my mouth. If I was with saved people, I spoke as the saved people did, if I was with my unsaved friends, I spoke as the unsaved did. I played around with it, to me that is not saved. Now has God forgiven me and called me to Him during all of that, sure He has but I had not accepted Him as of that point.

I was blessed to be in my home on March 2, 2006 – calling out to God in frustration and need to have my house ran by Him and only Him. I was praying and all of a sudden started speaking in yet another tongue, I was so thrown but excited. I understood everything I was saying, as if what I was saying was a language only known to God and myself. This is what I believe utterance of tongues means. Should we walk around speaking in tongues all the time when we are witnessing to others, HECKS NO.

I know that for me, and I can only speak for me, I have never spoken in tongues and not know what the conversation is about. The words are going in my mind as the language comes out of my mouth. I believe that if you desire to have this gift, it will be granted to you as this was my desire to have and He blessed me with the gift when I opened myself up to it. We have to truly seek God in our direction of gifts, I would not pass this gift up for the entire world because of my prayer life in the Lord. The release that I feel when I am praying to the Lord in this manner, is beyond anything that I can even express, better than sex any day! Now am I saying that you will not see Jesus and hear well done because you do not speak in tongues, no I am not saying that. As I stated in the beginning, the gift comes when you have an understanding of it, for the Lord will bring you to that understanding of it when it is time for you.

When it was my time, I was open to it without even knowing it. My heart was hurting, my soul was crying out and my spirit was grieving, the Holy Spirit knew that He had to make utterances for me as my words could not go where they needed to go. (Romans 8:26-27)To me that is why He blessed us with the utterance of tongues and where we can grow in Him. I know that all do not believe what I am saying, shoot a lot of Pentecostals do not believe what I am saying but yet this is what He gives me to explain why I speak in utterances of tongues, it is a blessing to me to have. My walk with the Lord has changed drastically when I was blessed with it, and I pray that even though other gifts are more important to others, that this gift is not passed by. If you do not receive it, it might not be meant for you to receive it, but yet again did you even want it in the first place, sometimes that makes the difference.

I know that a lot of people do not believe as I do, they do not always understand my thinking. It used to bother me but yet no longer does it bother me. I used to get so upset when people would “correct” me in my belief trying to tell me that I was still young and need to learn, when I knew that God revealed things to me. I started looking at different faiths and beliefs – I saw them working for others and my aunt told me something that I will never forget. It is the word of God that makes the difference in our lives. He is the word, He is faithful to His word, and He brings forth His word. Praise God.

I think too many times we are so bent on getting people to see our way, well let me say I was for so long, yet the Lord showed me that it is not about us getting others to see our way but we need to see His way.

It took me a long time to not take the aspect of What Would Jesus Do (WWJD) but What Did Jesus Do (WDJD) instead. I have always said that we “think” too much, and this is where the issues come about, we all want to be heard. (I know I do) But that is the flesh part of us, I think if more of us would really go to the Lord for all things and do more of WDJD as that is following His example and less of WWJD as that is trying to figure out what He would have done in a situation, that we would have more harmony and peace in our lives. We all have a walk in our lives to do, I love the story of the woman brought to Jesus because of adultery and how all those that brought her left when Jesus stated that He without sin cast the first stone. I think we as Christians need to do more of that, doing what Jesus did and not so much the other stuff. J

My honesty thought for today is…I would like to have more children. I am 40 years old, with one son and a fabulous husband of one month. We cannot physically have children because I cannot, yet the desire is there. I still from time to time envy women who can get pregnant as I never have been.  (My son is adopted)

People say all the time that I will get over it, let the Lord this and let the Lord that, hummmmmm…most times these are people who have children. LOL It is funny how women who went years without children and then be blessed with children, tell me how they can relate. LOL I cannot give birth to children ever, it is not even a possibility for at all. No miracle Sarah birth here. It is funny, sometimes my sisters in Christ who are past the child birth age and never had children tell me that they know what it is like, but they could be a Sarah birth if the Lord willed it. I have no equipment to carry a child so I know that it is never going to happen. It is harder now than ever before because my husband who has no children of his own outside of Jonathan (my son), he will never have that. It was hard for him to deal with in the beginning and I think every now and then it crosses his mind. I think the hard part is as we make love, one of those times could have been “the time”, or one of the future times could be it.

I know that God is keeping me and I am by no ways depressed about it, by no ways deterred by it either. I know that God is keeping me and my mind is just a little sad. I love my son Jonathan whom I adopted at the age of 6 weeks old, he is my son and I love him with my entire heart. I am blessed to be his mother and I am eternally grateful to the Lord for him. Yet there is a desire to have a child growing inside of me that has not left me yet, in time it will as it is a hurt and pain that I have to allow the Lord to mold and shape me into what He wants me to be.

Since I am doing the honesty writing, I have shared a piece of me. It is hard knowing that no child will come from this blessed union, but then the Lord has blessed us to know that we will have a houseful of children to be parents too.  Even though that is awesome in its own right, it is still not quite the same as walking around feeling the life of a child inside of me. I am one of those sisters who go into immediate prayer when I hear of women mistreating their children, women having abortions, and women who just act up during a pregnancy in whatever manner that they do. For the Lord is truly blessing them and yet they do not choose to see it at that time as a blessing unto them, life is precious and these mothers should see it as such.

 I am blessed that my son’s birth mom was not one of those mothers and placed him up for adoption. It is believed that he was conceived under rape, but her compassion for his life and not her own feelings, carried the pregnancy through to term. She saw his awesome little face and thought she could keep him but yet it was too much for her so she placed him up for adoption.

I admire those mothers who make that selfless decision to place their children up for adoption as they want a better life for their children, so I tell myself that is why I am not able to have children, for the Lord knows what is best and though my mothering cries out for that from time to time, He will send comfort and bless me yet again one day to be a mommy to more children. AMEN!