Menu:

 
Praise the Lord! I felt it much easier to answer another blog with a separate blog because I am not going to write two blogs today, as in answering Sister Casandra’s posting – I would end up having to write two blogs – so why not just do two tasks with one pen!  

This is response to “Walking in Chastity on Purpose (Part 1)” – posted by Sister Casandra  

Sex has always been taboo in the Christian community but it is being talked about more in the Christian community – just not to the levels that are really hitting the masses yet, but I believe it will get there. I have seen ministers on their pulpit stages with beds and talking about sex…saying we must wait until marriage but yet no one addressing how to wait until marriage. We see an increase in divorces due to infidelity which is always stemmed back to sex…but is infidelity really based on lust or is it based on needs not being met…..We see many couples getting married and not waiting to have sex before they get married and saying that it is ‘ok as long as we are getting married’ that is a lie from the pit of hell that needs to be killed – but can it be killed?  

I was reading over the comments on this posting and the first time I saw the posting I did not answer because I am always speaking of this to sisters and thought no one really wants to hear me harp on this again….yet after reading the recent comments on why it is not discussed – I had to speak up. 

Sister Anna stated “I certainly wish you married women would talk more to us single before marriage women openly and share truthfully. What a waste of your godly wisdom, in this area of lie, if you don’t.”

First I made this point before - some sisters can not discuss what you want to discuss because they did not live it – sisters can not discuss what they do not know and are embarrassed to admit. Some sisters will give you canned answers – follow the Lord and let the Lord lead you – pray and fast – be a Proverbs 31 woman. This is what I got when I posted my thoughts before OR the post was completely ignored. See most women are taught to keep your marriage to yourself because you are opening the door for the enemy to send another woman to steal your man. I was actually told this by a sister too…yet I live for Christ and the enemy can not take what I do not allow Him to take. 

Some sisters are not going to give single women advice in marriage for that very reason and others CAN’T give advice because they are miserable and praying for the Lord to save their marriages and scared to tell anyone what is going on in their marriages. There are plenty of sisters out there who are walking in bondage and not seeing that keeping all that to themselves – whether good or bad is keeping them in bondage to fear! Hummmm….I could go on forever on that topic alone but…. 

Okay – being single and courting – sex is a no – no - we know this…yet we give into our fleshy desires way to soon – why do we do this – we do it because it is easier – plain and simple. Sin is easy to commit – the work comes in when you try to live holy…so is it going to be easy HECKS NO! Yet can it be done – ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IN JESUS! I think what we fail to realize is how He can keep us – we do not see it for what it is truly worthy.  

Anna – those that are telling you that Garrett can’t wait – ignore them – practice listening to your husband by asking Garrett and talking to him. There is no shame in the two of you talking about sex and what you expect from each other during this time of courtship and what you expect from it when you are married. It is a conversation and you are both adults who serve the Lord – put that flesh under subjections while you are discussing it.  

You are doing a great job by not having sex and are a testimony that it can be done. One thing that helped Merv and me was the distance for the day to day things. He would come to visit and that was hard to deal with AND we could not always separate ourselves from each other – what I mean is – it was easy to not think about it when Jonathan was awake but when he went to bed – it was harder to resist, but resist is what we must do.  

Yet here is the key – two saved people striving to live for Christ – there ya go – TWO saved people – striving and convicted by the Lord to live His Holy Word! Plain and simple…God ALWAYS provides a way out of temptation during our times of temptation…He always does – but the question always is – do we allow ourselves to take that way out. Merv and I were blessed – we saw it. After I got over my hate for sex – I found myself attracted to Merv so much when he would come to visit – we talked so much on the phone and via email that sometimes I did not want to talk – my flesh was screaming for sex – I would try to act all innocent but would do things that I knew were going to get him to think about it BUT GOD always made a way for him to resist. Merv had to tell me a few times to stop acting ‘slutty’ – talk about ego hurter – it hurt me that he did not give in to me. LOL Yet he would tell me that it was not that he did not want me but it was that we had to live right before the Lord….and the same has happened the other way too. We can not do this alone – we have got to have a partner who is committed to serve the Lord with their whole heart and that makes it a little easier.  

We were born with the desire to please a man – we were born with the desire to be with a man in the manner of sexually – but we do not have to feed into it. Sin is sin is sin – it is the same with lying – it is the same with smoking – it is the same with overindulging  - it is the same with adultery – it is the same with idolatry – sin is sin is sin….your salvation is at stake when you KNOWINGLY commit that sin…plain and simple!  

So Sister Anna – very few women are going to be able to help you in this walk that you are going through – because a lot of women either got saved after they were married, or they had sex with their husband before they got married. So they can not help you with what they do not know or have not lived. Please – so many sisters are LIVING with men that are not their husbands – so many sisters are living with men that are not their husbands along with the men is not saved either – yet sisters are praying that God save their boyfriends and that the boyfriends will marry them….okay just got to put this out there…

How can you be living with a man who is not your husband and asking God to bless your sin and expect God to bless that sin? How can you be living with a man that is not your husband and not saved – yet you think you are living a good example for him to come to Christ while you are sinning with him AND he knows you are sinning….I bet he thinks that you are a Christian when it pleases you…. (He may not say it but he thinks it) we can not win souls to Christ in that manner…. 

Okay enough on that one…now the other thing I wanted to address too… 

Lusting after men who are not your husband….okay I have to admit I have looked at other men and thought – hummm cute. Now Sister Casandra – sorry I have not had to fan myself and all that jazz – but I have ‘admired’ the man’s body and caught myself and said forgive me Lord! LOL I would love to say – I am only human but that is not a good enough excuse.  

I have been doing some reading and listening to some programs about this very subject about lust. As I stated before sin is sin – yet something about this one that has so many caught up…sometimes I personally wonder if it is because it is so pleasurable or if it is just because of who we are as individuals…this I do not know…but let me tell ya what I have found out…. 

We are going to look as beauty is beauty. We see beautiful people and we notice that…so we know this – what we have to do is gear our thoughts in the right manner to avoid the lustfulness…but yet we have to be mindful that if we do not – as you stated we can be a harlot… 

Do you know the number one reason why people commit adultery on their spouse? The number one reason is NOT that they are not getting enough sex at home as some may think – the number one reason is lack of fulfillment in the marriage…plain and simple.  

There is a need that is not being met – it can be any kind of need – it can be physical, it can be emotional, it can be mentally and it even can be spiritually. Oh there is this book that a couple wrote on about how she (yes she) committed adultery on her husband and how they recovered it….I have to look on my computer at home to get it for ya…sorry at work writing this.  

She ended up doing a study on women who cheat on their husbands – it all starts so innocently – just looking and thinking “um-um good” or even just innocence flirtations. She made a comment that I actually do believe….when you are fulfilled in your marriage – then it is easier to resist the temptations that are given to you and it takes two to reach that fulfillment. Not that the temptation will not be there – it will be easier to resist that temptation. We as women can be doing all we can to keep the happiness in our marriage going but if our husbands are not doing the same thing – we can be tempted and give into our temptations. (Not that it is right to give into the temptation)  

Last Fellowship Call we had, there was a discussion about adultery and how if one steps outside of a marriage to another that they can still love that person…yes they can love that person but they are not 100% giving their love to that person. You can not give 100% of yourself to another person in a marriage and commit adultery on your spouse. I think that is safe to say…if some one things otherwise please say so…but just as the word of the Lord says – we as women are to submit ourselves unto our own husbands – our desire is for our husbands…I think God says this because He knew if He did not – some of us have and will desire other men besides our own husbands.  

My question to women who are BRAVE enough to say what Sister Casandra said and I commend her so much on that – because I bet there are a bunch of other sisters who did not say a word about her thoughts but have them just the same as Casandra did… my question is “are you happy in your marriage? Are you getting what you need in your relationship with your husband?” “Are your needs and wants being met?”…. 

What I mean is – are you spending quality time together – discussing things of interest to both of you, are you meeting your husband’s needs and is he meeting your needs, are there times where you take time out for just the two of you that is NOT in front of the television but you go and do something fun alone…are you still ‘courting’ your hubby?  

We all have periods of test and trials in our marriages but one thing that I am learning and reading is when your have those ‘moments’ in your marriage -  you are to cling even harder to the Lord and your husband…by not allowing anything to come between you which includes the kids, parents, neighbors, work, friends, and anything else.  

We are to believe that we are to cling together and let NO MAN put asunder our marriage or our thoughts on our marriage and do it. Now personally – I can only go by what I am told by seasoned sisters who have been married forever and by what I have read as I have not YET completed enough time to say that I will not feel the same way. I felt that way in my past marriages – I was not saved but I also knew I was not getting what I needed in my marriage which made it all the more tempting to step out on him…but I never did…so to me that is a blessing right there.  

I do not have this now with Merv but I am a newlywed still trying to get used to a man in my house – let alone thinking about another man…LOL I see them but do not see them in the same light as I would have single I guess – for now anyhow. I am happy in my marriage with all the changes that are going on – it gets tiresome but yet and still no one fulfills me like Merv does – so there is no desire for me at this time.  

What I can say is this – for those sisters who are feeling like Sister Casandra – continue to seek the Lord’s direction – talk to your hubby about things – see where he is standing – hey maybe a vacation or even a date is needed where you can come together as one and enjoy each other’s company. If you can not spend time alone with your husband for a few days without arguing or having major disagreements – something is wrong there – this is a marriage of love and yes we have problems but you should be enjoying your spouse – the world will have us think that we can not have fulfilling marriages but I know too many sisters that did and do – so I know that I am going to have one too…marriage is work and I am willing to work at it and thankfully I have a husband who is willing too!  

Sister Casandra and other sisters – I have to tell ya that one sister to talk to that is really awesome on this topic is our Sister Renee – who is Proverbs 31 Woman (I think) on the WL4J site – I will email her and ask her to come talk with sisters about this – if she has time – she does a lot of workshops and stuff on this very topic. So I shall reach out to her!  

Okay – I even wonder if anyone will read this all the way through! LOL Oh well – it is out there and said…LOL