The Real Truth of Alissa Lynne

 Praise the Lord…here we are again this day, blessed with the love of the Lord and blessed with His direction in our lives. It is really something to see how He can mold us into a place in Him without even realizing that He has done that…all things used to His glory! 

I was talking with a dear sister about this series and what I found, I expressed how I like to give practical ways to things and how steps on how to do something is what I like to do. It started to dawn on me after her email that this has been instilled in me for a long time, actually most of my life. When I look back in my childhood and until now, I have always been one about putting things in order and taking things in the practical sense of learning. You have to break it down to me as how it is going to work in my daily life. You can have me read it, you can show me the information but if you do not break it down to my level of understanding, it takes forever for me to get it. Well this has transferred over to my walk in the Lord. I am always seeking ways to make it practical and plain for not just others but for me so that I can understand the word of God for what it says. It is truly in Him that we have growth and I want to grow so I need to get it. So in my understanding, I want to pass it along. I really am enjoying reading things from this site and I pray that there is more growth for others along side of me. 

We are taking the “How to Change Yourself: The Bible Plan for Self Improvement” from the website Gospel Way. If you have time, check it out…if not just stay tune as we go over each step…

Step Two: Believe You Can Change with God’s Help

The word of God says that all things are possible in Him…there is no question about it. For me the hardest part when trying to change is knowing that it can be done. It is believing not only that God can do it, BUT that I can do it in Him. It is knowing that in Him I can change. 

Okay, most of us say for the New Year that we are going to stop this or stop that, let me use my smoking as an example as this is truly something I thought would never change. It was all of me; it was what I relied on in moments of stress and moments of joy, and just moments in life period. So, when my desire to quit smoking came, I used every excuse in the book because I was afraid that I could not do it. I felt that I was not strong enough to do it and I thought I would never give up the habit. YET…it was the wrong thinking…I was not strong enough alone, I was strong in Jesus. It was in Him that I got my strength to quit and this was one of the first things I did realize is that it was not me keeping me, it was Jesus keeping me, fueled with my desire to please Him.

I could see that Jesus was strengthening me when I thought about it. By the time Minister Merv prayed with me to quit smoking, I had a strong desire to quit smoking that I did not tell a soul. I was afraid to tell anyone at first because I just did not think I could do it, but the Lord reminded me in Him is my strength and that I could rely on His word and trust in His word. (Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 15:18-19, Matthew 12:34-37, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Philippians 4:13, Psalm 37:5, Ephesians 6:10-18, Ephesians 3:20-21, 2 Corinthians 9:8, Joshua 1:5-9)

Trusting His word….Step 3: Study the bible about your habit…

Do you know that every single situation is listed in the bible – there is some kind of reference to every single life situation in the bible, it may not be the exact words, but it is there!

With my smoking, it was truly the words of how my body is a temple unto God that changed my thoughts on what I put into it. I had long since stopped drinking but the drug of cigarettes was still with me. If you do not know it, cigarettes are a drug addiction…and it will slowly kill you in some cases. It was in reading

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 19What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

I came to understand that my body is not my own, that if I am confessing that Jesus is my Lord – I must act accordingly with my body, which brings one of my many other changes that I really must work on…my body!!! Ugghhhh…losing weight! LOL This of course is a whole other blog – fighting with obesity is no fun and truly a lifestyle change that needs to be made today!

Okay – so pretty much this one is easy to understand…to a point…if you are not in the word of God – you are not going to be able to find your topic. There are some sites out there that will help you if you need it…there is the God Yellow Pages (do a search on the internet – there are thousands of them), here is yet another one that I like to look at too…http://www.jesusfolk.com/Bible/Topics So if you are like me, still learning where things are and very much into doing searches on the internet, you will enjoy this web site. Hey we need to share our information so that we can all learn together in the Lord! (Joshua 1:8, Psalm 1:2, Psalm 119:11, Deuteronomy 6:6-9, Proverbs 3:5-6, 2 Timothy 3:16, Ephesians 6:17, Romans 1:16, Hebrews 4:12)

Step 4: Repent of Sin

Okay…this section of the web site was just so on point that I am going to just copy it here…”Sin requires repentance. Repentance is a change of mind – a determined commitment to cease sin and obey God. Before one can change his conduct, he must change his mind. Do not cover up your sin, deny it, excuse it, or blame someone else. Admit the error and be truly sorry. But sorrow is not enough. We have truly repented only when we are so sorry that we determine to change our conduct. Most other achievements in life require about 10% ability and 90% just plain determination and hard work. In spiritual matters, every accountable person has the ability to please God; so changing to please God is 100% determined by our choice. God has provided everything we need. The decision is ours. We will never change until we make up our minds to pursue the means God provides until we succeed. The decision to do this is repentance, and no one will change to please God without it.” (Acts 8:22, Matthew 21:28-29, Acts 17:30, Acts 11:23, Proverbs 28:13, 2 Corinthians 7:10)

I have always known what repentance is but this is really a smack in the face to me, but in a good sense, a wakeup call. It is really something as I think of some of my upcoming changes…if I want to make this change, I need to take it to the Lord and ask for forgiveness and MEAN IT!! It is something as I go over each step and look at my changes in my life that have already been done, I followed these steps! AMEN!!

As I look over these steps again…I am thinking to myself about my upcoming changes in my life that starts today – WEIGHT LOSS! I do not really want to deal with this but I need to make a change so I will be walking through these steps – summertime is coming and I want to be able to not see so much flab…yet that is another blog…LOL

Well that is all for today…

Until tomorrow…

Remember change is a good thing…it drawls us closer to the Lord!

Love your sister in Christ,

Sister Alissa Lynne

 Praise the Lord! I am thankful for this day…as we are ending the year 2008 and headed into 2009, the cutesy sayings are coming out and everyone is making New Years Resolutions, yet there is one thing that my thought is…every day is an new day to make a difference in our lives and those that we come in contact with daily. Yet, for some knowing that the New Year is approaching, they are using that as a mark to start making a difference. If that works for you…great and I pray that you are successful in your changes, yet remember that even when we stumble…tomorrow is yet another day if we are blessed to see it. 

I was looking for a scripture on change and came across a web site that had a section called…”How to Change Yourself: A Bible Pattern for Self-Help and Self-Improvement”, even though I do not really “agree” with the title of section, the information was really good information. The site is Gospel Way, and I have not gone through the entire site so I am not endorsing it but wanted to give a nod to it due to the fact that I am about to talk about their site.  

They have some really valid points that I wanted to point out as we are all striving to be more like Christ and some of us are having a hard time making the changes that God is calling us to make. 

Ephesians 4:22-24 22That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; 23And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; 24And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. 

There is a point that we must remember when going through change…”knowing what changes to make is not enough. We also need to know how to make them. Changes does not come easily….God’s word is the best source of guidance for self-help and motivation for self-improvement.” As I read that…I was so ready to shout...change is HARD…yet as I stated yesterday – there are awesome benefits from change. It is really something as we have to “prepare” ourselves when we make up our minds to make a change. I like the aspect that this web site set up change…

Twelve Steps to Change:

Step One – Change Your Purpose in Life

Step Two – Believe You Can Change with God’s Help

Step Three – Study the Bible about Your Habit

Step Four – Repent of Sin

Step Five – Develop a Plan of Action

Step Six – Pray Regularly

Step Seven – Seek Help from Other Christians

Step Eight – Diligently Practice What Is Right

Step Nine – Substitute Good Habits for Bad Ones

Step Ten – Avoid Temptation

Step Eleven – Face One Day At A Time

Step Twelve – Be Patient

How simple all these steps sound – but as we know each day is a step of walking in….I feel as if for the next couple of writings to tackle each of these steps in my own walk in my Honesty Today writings. God is good and I am thankful for finding this site as to give me another opportunity to learn more of the Lord and to grow closer to the Lord.

Okay…Step One – Change Your Purpose in Life
 

“Before people are willing to act, they must be motivated” Okay that was a mouthful right there…you can want to change but if you are not motivated to do so, there will be no change. I guess that is why I no longer do New Years Resolutions, but daily changes. We have to be motivated to do so. When I wanted to stop smoking after years of my family getting on my last nerve about quitting, it was not until I was motivated to do so was I able to take it to the Lord and leave it there. It is the motivation and determination to make the change that helps fuel the beginning of change. 

As I read what the site was saying, they gave the titles Love/Dedication to God, Imitation of Christ, and Desire for Eternal Life, not Eternal Punishment under this step. WOW…okay the reality of it all is most of us do not have the desire to change the things in us that need to be changed on our own, we want to but…it is not until our relationship with the Lord is started that we start to even think about attempting to change. It is in His word that says we are a new creature in Him. (2 Corinthians 5:16-18) 

Now for me it was when I came to understand that my ways were not His ways and that my ways were not working that I turn my heart over to the Lord with the desire to be changed in Him. I had a lot of pain and hurt in my life and it was just a mess for me to live the way that I was living. It was really hurting me to live that life and I knew that I needed a change. Jesus was that change, so the start for me was my love and dedication to God and living as He wants me to live. It was in His love that I saw I needed to be more like Him and less like me. So I started to see that I needed to imitate Him and to be like Him so that I did not have eternal punishment for I want and still do want Eternal Life. I did not want to remain the same; I wanted to live for life – Eternal Life with Jesus. I knew growing up that hell existed and I knew I did not want to go there. I knew that I was headed there AND I knew that if I did not/do not change…I will end up there. 

As I look at my walk and the things that have happened, I received a desire to live for Him because of my pain and hurt…I really believe that His burden is light! I know that for me all things will be better, it is not just something that I read, but I believe it in my heart without a shadow of a doubt…it is important to believe it…which is Step Two – which we will discuss tomorrow! Praise the Lord for the lessons of change for in it we will be more like Him! AMEN! Let us embrace the thought of change as our first step to changing – embrace change as a new possibility and outlook in life for the better! 

The scriptures that they gave for this step are: Ephesians 4:22-24, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Romans 12:1-2, 2 Corinthians 8:5, Ecclesiastes 12:13, Matthew 6:33, Matthew 16:24, 1 John 5:3, I John 4:19, 1 John 2:15-17, Matthew 10:34-37, Matthew 22:37-40, John 14:15, 2 Corinthians 5:14-17

So as I close out for today…if you are looking to make a change in your life, stay tune…but to start this change…start looking at your personal walk with the Lord – start looking at if you are really walking with Him. Try reading the scriptures above and hear what He is saying to you in them. Step forward to start to make those changes that He wants you to make. 

Until tomorrow,

Love your sister in Christ,

Sister Alissa Lynne

Praise the Lord! I pray that everyone had a wonderful Christmas holiday and are truly ready to start their New Year with great expectations!

I am thankful as this is the first Christmas that Minister Merv was here with us, although he had to go to work, that is okay there will be other Christmas holidays that we will have together. I am really excited because he is going to be here for New Years and in our years of courting, he always had to leave on the 30th of the December so that he could play for his home church on New Years Eve…this year his home church IS MY HOME CHURCH! I am excited to be able to bring the New Year in with my husband and son at church service. I might just sit near the musicians during this service although I sit some where else during service for a better view – lol So I am excited about starting a new year with my hubby! I am so thankful for Him…but that is not what this posting is about. LOL

I was doing some of the Good Mornings for these upcoming days and kept trying to remember the verse that speaks of the old things and the new things. I could not remember where it was until I went past a dear sister’s site and there it was….

Isaiah 43:18-19 18Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

Praise the Lord – as I read those verses it made me think of the process that the Lord is taking me through and as I was talking to my sister in Christ, she is going through the same thing, yet of course different reasons and in different areas of our lives, but yet the same process of change. Change brings in new things, changes brings in unsure, change brings in excitement, change brings in nervousness, change brings in joy, change brings in NEW POSSIBILITIES!!! Praise the Lord for in change comes New things in life. Now no one really likes change, some of us adapt to it well and some of us kick and scream all the way. For me depending on what the change is depends on how I react to it.

Now I have no problem with change at work. I have always been that way; my thought is they are pretty much paying me so I am going to do it. I was never one to worry about how much I was getting paid unless my work load increased doubly and I have not received any compensation, which did happen and after mentioning it to the right person – something was done. I actually love my job and though I do want to be home, if I have to come to work, this is a great place to come and an even better department. Hey I used to be in management and truly appreciate being a front line employee now. It is less stress, less workload, and just a better place for me to be in the company.

Yet when it comes to my personal life, change brings headaches sometimes, because I do not want to change it. One thing that I am learning is if you let go and let God deal with it, there is so much beauty from it. As I continue to remind myself that it is okay to let someone love you and to keep letting go of things that are hindering me to love in the manner that is pleasing to God, I have received more joy in my heart. After writing my Honesty Today on Tuesday, I spent the evening with my family – running. LOL We had things to do and places to go, yet it was relaxing. Even when my hubby was saying things that started to make me feel bad inside, as I take what people say to heart and sometimes negatively…well not sometimes…most times I take things that are not meant in a bad way negatively. I was sitting there getting ready to get an attitude, when he started to explain to me what he said. I realized that I half way understood what he said, so what he was saying was not against me.

I am learning that I need to lower my emotional defenses down. It is not easy to do after years of having this wall up and protecting myself from the hurts of the world, BUT I AM LEARNING and I am growing and I am changing and it is all new. WOW…thank you Lord for blessing me to see that change may be a little strange or hard to adjust to, but I can get through it with direction from you.

I am seeing myself through someone else’s eyes along with my own eyes and though I have come to like who I am, as there was a time I could not stand myself or even know myself, I am coming to the point of truly loving myself and in that there is joy. I am a work in progress but each day I am growing. I am learning the more I share, the more I am in the word of God, the more I pray, the more I talk to my sisters in Christ, the more I fellowship, the stronger I get – the more I love and the more I let go! How awesome is that?

Let me leave you today with my other scripture for the week…this really speaks to me this week with all this change and growing inside of me! Praise the Lord!

Lamentations 3:22-26 22It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 23They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. 24The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. 25The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. 26It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.

Be encouraged my sisters and brothers – the Lord wants all of us to be molded by Him and most times it is not easy and sometimes it hurts like no tomorrow but when we are done, we are who He wants us to be and that is more like Him! AMEN!

Until tomorrow,

God Bless,

Love your sister in Christ,

Sister Alissa Lynne

 “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up….. to love is to expose oneself and, consequently, to be vulnerable and open to the possibility of getting hurt.” -James Baldwin

Praise the Lord! I was looking at a web site and the blogger had placed the above quote in their blog, asking if you where afraid to love…it made me stop. I made me really stop. I look over the entire quote and thought some more…AM I AFRAID TO LOVE?!! 

I had to answer that question and you know what…Yes I am afraid to love completely. I mean to really let it all go and love. Yet the more I think about it, the more I have to love because this is what Jesus is. Jesus is love, He does have a side of wrath, but Jesus is true love, for even in His wrath there is love! 

So I started looking at that entire quote along with the thought of my life and love. I have been through so much in my life emotionally. I have been through such pain and hurt, yet I am striving to love again. I am striving to let those that I know I love in. Now do I love yes, but my issues is letting myself to be love, accepting the love and showing the love in the manner that others know that I love them.

I have been thinking about this a lot with the way that I am, I was thinking about my son and hubby. It is something as I will do anything in the world for them, I mean anything. I actually think that I would even go into a burning building and drag them out. I mean I love them with all my heart, but I am thinking that I do not show it in the manner that THEY need me to. 

I am good at doing things to show love but not saying it with my mouth. I think for me it has always been hard to express myself verbally about my emotions, fear of rejection, even with the two that I know will never reject me. I started thinking about this even more and this came to mind…

I was young when I was hurt by two people who I trusted and have yet to get past the fact that they hurt me…what I mean is that it was easy to show the love I had for them, but to express it to them is to open myself up for them to hurt me again. I remember I did this with my ex husband (Jonathan’s dad) and he hurt me. I started to open up and be honest with him about things and he took that and threw it in my face. NOW, I know in my heart and mind that Merv is NOT IN ANY WAY OR SHAPE, my ex husband, but I think my problem is letting myself to try again.

So what do I do to show love to my hubby, I give him hugs and try to cuddle up. I look at things he does and tell him what I think about it. I look at him and smile for no reason; I will reach out and touch him while we are sleeping. I will smack him in the butt just because he says not to, or pretend to push him over, like I really can. I do things of this sort, but the words of I love you do not come out regularly and this is something I need to change. 

As I read the quote above…I think he could have said that this is a battle, war within ourselves, it is growing up in who we are. It is truly a test of who we really were, are and shall be. It is so much exposing ourselves unto another and leaving ourselves open for criticism and pain, it opens us up for pain and disappointment, YET IT OPENS US UP to love, patience, understanding, joy, happiness and just more love. So as I am sitting here writing this, I know that I have to open up more and allow myself to show love AND to receive it. 

Man this is harder than I thought, opening up and receiving love is not always easy and a lot of times I know that it is me that is the hindrance in this area of our marriage. I am not talking about the intimacy of sex, but the intimacy of the marriage. This is two different things…it is okay to say that you love someone AND show it. I think in my case, I need to do more forgiveness of myself. Not others, but of me and who I am. I need to not look at everything someone says as an attack on me. 

I love my hubby! There are things he does I do not understand or even begin to get…yet he thinks it is normal. LOL There is so much that we have to learn when we are learning to love and letting ourselves love. It is not an easy thing to do. It will test us, it will try us, and sometimes we will feel like we are getting ready to lose our mind but it is in this growth we become to know more about us, more about others, and totally more of the Lord!

I was writing this Honesty Today when I came across to read two sisters blogs on WL4J social community – Sister Brandi and Sister Grace/Mercy…

Let me share first Sister Brandi’s blog….
 

Letting Go...Goodbye to the Past “The past is gone, except in our minds. When we dwell on past hurts, mistakes, or even joys we can't focus on the present. No amount of thinking or worrying can change the past or recapture it and bring it into the present. We can now say a loving good-bye to the past; thanking all of our experiences for the lessons they brought us. Then we can concentrate on what is here and now. We can fully experience each new moment as it comes. We can also give our full attention to each new lesson as it is presented to us. As we turn our minds to each present moment, we find ourselves recognizing the continuum of life. Who we are now is a result of past lessons learned. We don't need to remember the experiences that taught us the lessons, only the lessons themselves. DECIDE TODAY THAT TODAY IS THE ONLY PLACE IN TIME THAT EXISTS. I RELEASE MY PAST AND EVERYONE IN IT.”
 

This is truly a blessing to me…as I was reading this; I though to myself that I have yet to maybe forgiven Calvin – Jonathan’s dad for the extra pain that he have caused me. Sure I have said it with my mouth, I have said it to him, and I believed in my heart that I had – but the next step is to show it to my hubby. To act, express in words, express in speech that I have forgiven the past and left it in the past…the final step for me is to manifest it in my every day living ….WOW…work yet again… LOL 

Hey Lord, I was trying to take a break!! Man oh man…then there was Sister Grace/Mercy blog that even hit it more….

“Breaking up Fallow Ground I have been led by the Holy Spirit to study the book of Jeremiah... as I was speaking with a Sister in Christ this morning concerning how God is reconciling my family relationships... these words came to my spirit... God is breaking up the Fallow Ground of my Heart... the Change begins with me. For I have recently declared and decreed that I am in my season of "New Beginnings with Change"

Jeremiah 4:3 For thus saith the LORD to the men of Judah and Jerusalem, Break up your fallow ground, and sow not among thorns.

Hosea 10:12 Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground: for it is time to seek the LORD, till he come and rain righteousness upon you.

What does it mean to break up fallow ground?

When the bible speaks of the ground it refers the ground to man... And the seed planted in the ground is the Word of God. Think about it, in order for a farmer to plant a seed in the ground he must first till the ground. To throw the seed on the surface, without breaking it up, will be to plant among thorns, it will produce nothing. He must first break-up and soften the hard surfaces of the ground so that the seed being planted and rooted in the ground can mature, grow and produce good fruit.

The same is for our heart that is the mind, our heart can become so hardened by life's dilemmas, challenges, hardships, obstacles trials and tribulations that nothing and no one can get through it. We must allow the Holy Spirit to help us rid ourselves of those things that hardened our heart towards the word of God, by the Word of God, to allow the Word of God to penetrate our hearts to be rooted in us so that we may bring forth the fruits of the Holy Spirit by the seed of righteousness... so we may mature, grow and produce good fruit.

John 7:38 He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water... living rivers of water flowing out of our heart to be a flowing rivers of living water in the hearts of others. Amen and Amen!”

God is so good…this old heart of mine needs more breaking up! Yet as much as I thought it was broken up enough, it does not appear to be so….WOW, I have to go home and hug the hubby, give him tons of TLC, and tell him how important he is to me. This will be a new day and a new start that I will need to stay on my toes and pay attention that I do not slip into my old ways! 

Wow – what a lesson today – what a lesson today!

I pray that those that are in the same shoes as I am are able to hear what the Lord is saying here and it is so important that we continue to look to the Lord for our answers for He will send them! Praise the Lord for His wonderful blessings that He gives to us each day! 

Have a blessed day and I am really going to try to take a break these upcoming days BUT I had to post/send this one out as it was just burning in my spirit to write…it is like a revelation for me! AMEN!!! I have to go home and say sorry if I have not shown love enough AND not be afraid to say and to show it for I am blessed with a man who loves me despite my little issues and my big issues. God is so good…I am learning so much about myself, JUST FROM WRITING and not caring who reads or who says what…there is growth in the word of God and there is growth in expressing yourself and trusting in the Lord…Thank you Jesus for the growth!!!

Praise the Lord! Wondering what is going on with me, I have been approaching this entire Christmas season differently than I normally do, even my son has noticed. I have not done any real decorating. I have my purple stockings and bows sitting on my coffee table and the gold bells that go with them there too, sitting on the table. Normally they are up and in their place. Normally, all of it is done in a manner that is just so pretty in my sight. I thought maybe I was not in the true Christmas spirit and started questioning it. 

I was trying to find some Christmas music on the radio and came across all those stations, yet I can not listen to it, it is like poison to me for what it makes me want to act or say, or be. It is not a good thing as I know that I am a child of God. I did not think that I had to give that up when I came to the Lord, I did not think I had to give up so much of my old life to be in Jesus. Sometimes I sit around and go, why did I have to stop drinking, smoking, listening to my music that I loved so much, why did I have to stop cussing and start smiling more, why did I have to give up so much to live this life that has me fighting and has me crying and has me just in the worst fight of my life… hummmmmmm …..does anyone know the answer…can anyone answer for me? 

LOL Okay – no I am not fallen down by any means…but sometimes our minds do these things – I know that all of us at some point question our walk in the Lord, sometimes more than once or twice, some of us question our walk in the Lord more than once a month or when we are going through something, yet is that considered doubt? Well to me – no because I need to stand more in His word and how can I stand more if I do not ask Him these questions and wait for the answers. So many sisters are going through and barely holding on, but the Lord is still with them. I know that some are wanting to walk away – never to return…but before you decide to do so, before you throw in the towel…do you know what you are giving up…do you know why we leave it all behind and change in Him…

I do not know about any of you…but let me tell you about why I can not go back; why I gave it all up…I WAS DYING!! I was dying and knew something was wrong just did not know that I was dying an eternal death.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

My life had become so hard to swallow, so hard to bear, so hard to breathe. Every where I turned nothing but darkness, nothing but pain and hurt. Every where I looked there was no happiness and no joy. To be honest, all I did was go to work, go home, raise my son, go to work, go to home, and raise my son. This was my life, it was unbearable. It was empty, it was worthless. I felt like I had nothing going in my favor, I felt like everything was weighing on my shoulders and nothing was coming to be as it should be. I felt like a duck in a pond sometimes, you know feet going a mile a minute to move them but above water looking good, barely moving, yet sometimes I felt like a plague was upon me with no healing in sight. I felt as if the whole world was on me and nothing was going to ever change. 

BUT ONE DAY…

Revelation 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

I heard Him…I really heard Him…He told me that if I let Him in…He would…

Matthew 11:29-30 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

He showed me that I am to love Him as He loves me – He showed me in His word that He loves me and that He will always love me, nothing I do can separate me from His love.

Matthew 6:33-34 33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Romans 8:37-39 37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

It was in my walk that I started to learn the true meaning behind the first scripture I ever learned as a teenager. I learned that the more I trusting His judgment and His direction in my life the better off I was, that I would see that all things were working in my favor even when I did not think it was.

Proverbs 3:5-7 5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

It was His word that told me how to love Him and how to live in Him.

Matthew 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

Romans 8:28And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

He let me know that many will hate me, that I will be in for the fight of my life, He did not leave me alone but let me know in His word that the enemy was coming to destroy me, to kill me and to try to steal my joy! He let me know that I was more than he that is in the world because Jesus is in me. He reminded me that the world hated him first and that it is not a bad thing to have the world hate me.

John 15:18If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. 19If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

Yet He let me know what He expected of me and how I was to be in Him. He wanted me to know that I have a purpose in Him, to spread His love every where I go, to love Him with all that I have and to keep His commandments. He told me why I had to let the world go and to walk as He says is acceptable to Him.

Romans 12:1-3  1I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 3For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
1 Peter 1:14-1614As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance: 15But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; 16Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

But God in His awesome and wonderful ways, He reminded me who I am in Him, what I am and why I am! He is so awesome to me! He told me that I was special and that I am blessed for He has saved me to serve Him!

1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light; 10Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy.

He told me how to stand and that this fight is a fight worth fighting, it is a fight for my life and though I may have moments when I feel like the world is caving in, I still have Him right there fighting my battles for me and giving me rest in Him.

Ephesians 6:10-13 10Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 11Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

So yes, we all may have days that we want to quit, we want to walk away, and the Lord is blessing us to stand in His word IF we choose to do so. It is by choice to serve Him. Why did I give all that up…I gave it up for eternal life, I gave it up for an abundant life, I gave it up for unspeakable joy, peace beyond my understanding. I gave it up because He loves me so and I know that in loving one person – we must give up things to love them with all that we have. I gave it up because it is no where near what He has given up for me.

Thank you Jesus for saving me, for loving me, for keeping me, for blessing me despite all that I have done, doing, and may do that are against all that you are! You love me and nothing shall separate me from your love, you are awesome to me and truly so worthy of all my praise. It is in you Jesus that I have all that I need and though the music, the smokes, the anger, the hurt, the pain, the world feels like it is too much to bear…you are right there for me and I am eternally grateful for when I stop and give it to you…I am blessed with joy, love, peace, patience, and all the fruits of you because I have peace beyond even I can understand! 

Thank you Jesus for saving me!

May we all take the time to thank the Lord for all that He does for us…we are truly blessed!

Love your sister in Christ,
Sister Alissa Lynne

Praise the Lord! God is truly awesome. I am thankful for this day and every day. I have finished the “My Purpose” web conference presentation and putting it aside until Tuesday when I present it to my hubby for his input. I get to practice and go over the material to make sure I am not forgetting something. I had already pretty much put together the Sister Who Are You Really presentation as that is based off the book I wrote and feel so confident in that one, so I put that aside to tackle the one that I know is not only going to grow me in Jesus but bless me to know more of the Lord – Spiritual Gifts! 

Our Sunday School class just did a couple lessons on this topic, and one thing that struck me as I was talking with a sister in Christ over a few things on the first part of the lesson, (I missed the second lesson), was that people do not know these things because they are not taught. It is not the fault of the pastors or churches as there are so many topics to go over, there is so much information in the word of God, so it can take a minute to get to topics, yet there are many who are struggling in these areas. The Lord has blessed some of us with the gifts to write and explain things – for those that He has done this with; it is our obligation to the Lord to pass it along. I read a lot of blogs and there are many topics out there, we can talk for the rest of our lives on different topics in the Lord AND never have the same conversation twice. 

Yet as I was reading the information and came across an assessment test for spiritual gifts, I took the test. Let me explain, I have in the past said that you do not need a test to know where God wants you to go…and I still say that 100%! If you are talking to the Lord and listening to Him – you will get your answer from Him. Yet some of us need a little different approach to self searching and self evaluation, and for that I recommend taking assessment test that are truly generated in the proper manner. I have in the last couple of weeks taken a good number of them to see which ones are the best ones for the presentation on spiritual gifts, and there is one that I found today that is truly some thing else.

This assessment test has been the best one yet and it really got my mind flowing even more about the blessings that the Lord has given me. I used to walk around and think that I was no one that I was really nothing, then I came to Christ and I knew that I was of a chosen generation and knew that God saved me for His purpose.

One of the first scriptures that I learned to quote and hold in my heart was 1 Peter 2:9-10 9But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;  10Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy.

Yet, I did not know what to do; I came to Jesus and struggled in the beginning of who I was, and what I was to do now that I was a Christian. This allowed the enemy to take a hold of me again and almost had me to kill and to die, BUT GOD saw something different, He knew the path He had for me and He knew the way I was to go. He knew that I was someone to Him. He knew that I did not understand that I can hold my head up and smile despite all that the enemy was doing to me, yet HE stood right there with me and protected me. He started feeding me milk and then as I grow – I eat more substantial food. I am thankful to the Lord for showing me who I am in Him and that I am someone in Him.

As I was reading over all the assessment tests and started doing some serious self evaluation in the Lord about myself, man there are some painful moments. You may not or may have realized that this process has started since starting the Honesty Today over two months ago; it has all been a growing process. I know that some have seen it as they have emailed, called or told me in person that they see the growth in the Lord in me. I have had some moments when writing that I wanted to not write the truth – the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but the Lord works it out in me and brings me to the point of understanding because I did not want to deal with it.

For example, I wrote about my son and how he has been, I did not want to admit to that because I felt like a failure of a mother, I felt like I am doing something wrong or not giving enough of myself to him. I did not want someone to come back to me and tell me that I was a bad mother as I do not want to think that I am. Yet, I wrote it and in writing it – I am free from it. I have been calmer about my son than I have been in months. I know that God is working in that situation and in me too. It is all a process. Life is a process – truly taking it one day at a time, within one hour at a time, to one minute down to one second at a time. It is in Jesus that we will have what we need and it is in Him that we need to remain.

I have come to see some of my gifts in the Lord, the ones that He has given me to use to glorify Him and to bless others. Yet with my own insecurities, I will feel as if I am not doing anything and no one really cares, of course this is the enemy messing with me and making me think that I am less than what I am but it is truly in the Lord that I have learned who I am and what I am to Him. In that same process, I have learned what my PURPOSES (we all have more than one purpose in life) are and how to move according to His will for my life. Of course I make mistakes, and truly still learning to love those around me and those that are what I call, working my nerves! (Which are mostly family and people driving slow in front of me…LOL) I am learning to also allow myself to be loved and truly letting go and letting God, it is a process and I know as soon as they are improved, here comes another area to be changed, but you know what I kind of do not mind, it all keeps me in Jesus and it all keeps me knowing that I am someone in Him.

If we were not someone in Jesus – He would not bother with us, He would turn us over to a reprobate mind and forget about us, but when we are going through things and changing, we know that God is molding us which means He cares for us and that in turn means we are some one in Him. We are all blessed – we truly are blessed for we are being molded by Him and in Him to be what He knows we can be.

I am thankful for knowing what my gifts in the Lord are and I am glad to see the gifts of others and praying for them to come to see them if they do not know already, so today if you do not know who you are – know that you are someone in Jesus!!

Hummmmm….the Lord is working on me and this is just the beginning, I am just Sister Alissa Lynne but I am a child of the Most High God…watch what Jesus does with His child as I continue to seek Him in all things…want to join me as we grow in the Lord!

For those that are going through something – call on the Lord and seek His direction, release yourself from the built up stuff and sometimes that is a step beyond your comfort zone by sharing with others, it is in secrets that we are bonded in the past and hurts, but it is releasing and tearing down walls that we are free to roam around in the goodness of the Lord and live life abundantly.

My sisters if you are stuck, not sure what your purpose is, stuck in a situation and not sure how to get out, not sure what your spiritual gifts are, not sure where you are going in life, feel free to either email me or call me – we can pray together, and talk things out together…I love to talk to others about the things that we are going through and how to help each other get through it. What you say will remain confidential even if I use it as an example in my writings as your name will never be mentioned. We have to really understand that God is with us and we are to help each other as the word of God says.

I am here for each of my sisters in Christ and truly thankful to the Lord to be able to serve Him in this manner…my phone always rings and if by some chance I do not answer – leave a message, your name and a number and I will call you back. (The number is only valid in US and Canada) 1-877-205-4524 you are not bothering me and truly not a pest – God is with us and we are here today because of His grace and mercy – let us share the love of God together! AMEN!

God Bless and have an awesome day – Hey I am somebody in Jesus and so are you!

Love your sister in Christ,

Sister Alissa Lynne

Sister Valerie is a member of WL4J social community and a fellow blogger; she wrote a blog on Where is the Joy? She was out shopping with her daughter and the nastiness of the world has enveloped Christmas. She had asked at the end of her blog “I wonder if Jesus Christ and God really matter at all in this world. Do you wonder as well?”

 

Well when I first started thinking about her blog, I was driving on my way to work. I love to drive as long as I feel well, so as I am driving in, everyone is blocking my way. I like to get on the road and go. I do not mind traffic if everyone follows “my rules” to driving. Well needless to say they do not, so I tend to have to remind myself that everyone does not drive like me. (My family would probably say good as I am speeder!) Yet, as I was getting tired of slow people in front of me, I thought about her blog and how people are forgetting common manners. People do not speak to people as they used to do. It used to be you walk past someone in the street, you say hello, or smile or nod your head – ESPECIALLY if you were the only two there. It used to be that mostly everyone went to church even if they were cutting up outside of Sunday, they would at least get up on Sunday and pay homage to Jesus. Yet, there used to be a time when those that were not saved, respected those that were saved. It used to be that being a Christian was a way of life and not a title. It used to be that at Christmas time, the donations to charities where so many donations that it kept them in “business” until the next Christmas. It used to be that in most hearts the love of the Lord flowed from one another…yet it is now a different time. It is the time of changing for the worse and as sad as it is to say, it is only going to get worse.

 

I have not yet gone Christmas shopping but I have seen the effects of it as I listen to co-workers, friends and read blogs of those that are out there. I do not like crowds, so most years I shop late at night or first thing in the morning, so I do not see what others see. I have though seen a decline in the way Christmas is portrayed. We are in a time when people want to make it so you can not say Merry Christmas to a co-worker that you have to say Happy Holidays instead as to not offend. So what does that mean to me, it means that Christmas in the worldly terms is no longer the celebration of the birth of Jesus to the world. I saw a commercial where you can buy a button, (I think it was a real commercial as I was only glancing through it), the button says…You can wish me Merry Christmas or something to that effect. It is sad that we are coming to the time where all it is about is STUFF…yet the world is the world and they will do things that are not of God.

 

It is up to each of us who truly believe that Jesus is Christ and know what the meaning of Christmas is to us. It is also up to us to remember that Christmas was added onto “pagan” celebration to get people to come to Christ. I wrote about this last year…the church decided to add the celebration of Jesus’ birth to the time during the winter festivals; it was a way to try to get non believers to come to Christ. I can say a thousand things about that – but shall leave that alone TODAY! LOL 

 

Christmas is truly for Christians and the world has kind of “adopted” it and just as the world always does – it takes what it wants and does what it wants. Of course this year most people are blaming it on the economy, but it is not the economy, it is the spirit in the world. We are in the times where the prince of the air is in reign here on earth, he is trying to get many to fall away from God – not follow him but just not follow God, so we are going to see this time get worse, we are going to see the times ahead of us appear to be so dark in all aspects of life but we are children of the Lord and the light of Jesus is to shine in us.

 

We are to show the love of Jesus NO MATTER WHAT! So when someone is trying to cuss us out over something, just show the love of Jesus. Sometimes it is the little things we do that will make them stop and think, and sometimes it will not make a difference, but there is one thing that is for sure…you have to answer for your action and your action alone. AMEN

 

So my response is yes, Sister Valerie, it appears that God and Jesus does not matter to the world, but guess what we are not of this world, we are in it but we are not about it. This world is just a temporary home and those things that we endure here shall not last for only what we do for Christ will last!!!

John 2:15-17 15Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

My honesty today is I have not yet done any Christmas shopping and not really worried about it. LOL I have taken a different look at this holiday season and what it is really about to me. In doing so, I have become not so caught up in my family and getting for them but helping others. Which is why I posted about the three families in need, and a few people responded and for that I am grateful. I think that we get so caught up in either NOT celebrating or celebrating. The sad thing about what Sister Valerie wrote is that woman could have been someone who attends church every single Sunday but because she is behind in what she has to do, or had a bad day, or just down right tired, she snapped on a fellow Christian. (If she was one) We are just as acceptable to the enemy as anyone else; it is why I am not so excited about shopping. I am going to go this Friday night after I drop my hubby and Jonathan off at all night bowling. I am going to go and get some shopping done. The list is no where as long as it used to be and it is not going to be as extravagant as it used to be either. My son’s behavior this entire year has not reflected that of which he gets to get all that mess anyhow. I do not buy for those that have children; I buy for their kids instead. So I have a few gifts to get for the family, as I do have four new people on my list. (My in laws) Yet, it is still not going to be all that over the top stuff.  I started thinking about what the Lord has done for me this year, last year and all my life, this is truly His day and though I am not cutting out the presents completely, I am cutting back. It is not even the economy, because I will spend what I want to spend and pay the cost later, it is about where my mind is in Him. My family already thinks I am nuts and that I talk about the Lord a lot. I guess my life is centered on Jesus. Not to the point that I can not talk about other things, I do all the time, but to the point that I center my life in Jesus, so I am doing things for others. I was talking to my hubby about getting involved at a food bank or shelter to help Jonathan understand his blessings better, and how I wish I had more time for the Salvation Army does not have enough bell ringers…my husband said to me…that is why you do not have any “me” time now. You need to stop trying to help everyone. At first I was offended, but as I think about my life, my life is centered in Jesus. I am always doing something for someone else. I will be giving a couple more gifts to the families that we are helping because of my son’s behavior and he is not receiving toys for Christmas. He is getting gifts just not toys. I see no sense in buying toys for a child who is not going to be able to play with them because of his behavior, behavior changes toys will be bought later. I had a hard time with that one. (Tell you more in a minute) Yet, I am always trying to give more of me to others, I want to make sure that I am there for whomever needs me, so I think that has changed my concept of Christmas – Christmas is not about me and mine – it is about Jesus and yours! To me, giving a gift to Jesus on his birthday is to give to others, to love others and to help others because that is what He was about! I plan on inviting a family over our house for Christmas dinner and not taking no for an answer as I believe that they do not have anything special planned and I know I am cooking a lot of food – so I am going to share just as Jesus would! AMEN! This is my present to the Lord…to be grateful and share the love He has shown me with those that are around me. Okay, back to my son and Christmas…I have each year went out and did all I could for him with toys, clothes and all kinds of stuff, my son was spoiled with stuff, not just love. The last two years my son has decided NOT to listen to the positive but chooses to not make the right choices. We/I have tried every thing that I can think of to get him to decide to make right choices…NOTHING is working. This entire school year has been day after day after day of things. He has had detention 7 times and one in house suspension, he is totally disrespectful to his teacher and this is totally unacceptable. He was just as disruptive last year except it is getting worse, he has had counseling for the past year and then our insurance changed so that slowed down, yet it was not helping when he was going. He has not at all this school year given me more than two days a week of good behavior at school. I am in constant contact with his teacher AND I am thankful to the Lord for her because she is patience with the kids. I truly admire anyone who can spend all that time with other people’s kids. School is not fun so there is a different reaction to things by the students than the kids that I deal with. I thank God for teachers – good teachers that is! They are molding our children and helping them see a brighter future! Yet he has yet to allow himself to be molded. Jonathan knows what he is doing is wrong, when he chooses to have self control, he does, but when he does not get his way in things, he takes it out on everyone else. So, he has been getting in trouble a lot this school year. So after this last suspension, mommy said enough. He had been warned repeatedly that he would not like the next step that is taken. Sure enough, he did not like the step that was taken, as he cried when I was telling him that he will not be receiving toys for Christmas, so those PlayStation 2 games that he wanted…NOT, he will receive the things that he needs. He needs new clothes, socks, underwear, and I wanted to get him some new books to read along with some workbooks for writing and math, and so that is his gifts. He was not happy at all, and as hard as it is to do this, I had to do something. I noticed that he was more respectable last night when he was dealing with us.  I notice that he had more self control.  Yet that will not add toys under the tree, but it will start a new walk with him. I will be sitting down talking with him yet again about exercising self control and how if he does this and changes his attitude/behavior in school, that we do not have to wait for December 25 to get gifts, for his behavior will reflect his gifts and what he gets. Although he is only eight years old, he is a lot smarter than he wants you to think until it is time for him to allow it to show. I think one of the worst things I have ever done as a mother is to give into his wants so much and not place more of an understanding of how things do not mean that much. I was raised with the aspect of things are not meant to take the place of who I am, yet in my case I did not know who I was. I know that my son is still growing into who he is, but as his mother I can not keep rewarding such obvious disruptive behavior in him. He is not a bad child, he is just a child who needs to learn to make wise choices and understand that you reap what you sow no matter what age you are! You are never too young to start learning that….self control is a lesson that is learned AND though there are a lot of adults who still have not learned self control, I expect my son to use self control at school and to respect others. God is good and though it is hard to be a parent, He will lead us to the right answers and I am praying that this works with my son and his behavior starts to improve for the better as he comes to understand that mommy is not playing. By the way….my son has really given us/me a run for my mind, imagination and heart but I have not given up on him and never will for Jesus said He got my son covered! I know that he will come around, yet it hurts that he is repeatedly getting in trouble at school! Yet I will stand on the promises of God, so all those parents that have not had any real issues with their children, Thank God…for you are blessed. I am a serious mother and take what I do as a parent seriously and in love, it is hard to see that my son is acting in this manner and it breaks my heart sometimes as I see others who have children who do the least offenses…I know it is not me but sometimes it is hard to think that it is not me. Why can’t my son be the “good child” as I was in school? LOL Yet I know that the Lord is working with him too for He knows right from wrong – he knows what he has to do and we are just going to lead him to making the right choices! AMEN! By the way, we as his parents are not giving him toys, but other family members will do so, as I am not restricting that at all. Please keep my son Jonathan in your prayers that he will come to make the right choices in his daily walk in life! Well until tomorrow, Love always and forever in ChristSister Alissa Lynne

Here I go again…bare with me, as today is a serious one and yet revealing to myself of what I am doing. 

Many times I talk with sisters who have some areas in their lives that they tell me about such as fear of rejection, acceptance, recognition, anger, and trusting to name a few, who are really trying to get things straight in their lives and having a hard time. Some of them are married and some of them are not married, yet all with the same kind of problems. I can see them and recognize them because I have had them and in some cases still dealing with overcoming them in Jesus. It is one of the reasons why “Sister Who Are You Really?” was written as to help those of us that are suffering from many different things in our lives that compile us to be the people that we are and in most cases keeping us from our potential in Jesus. Yet here is another aspect related to all of that…not blocking our happiness. Okay…I am about to get really transparent and praying much for this writing….you will see in a moment.

I am a blessed woman in the Lord! I am so blessed but I do not always allow myself to ACCEPT the blessing. As I grew up, I have detached myself so much from everyone and everything emotionally. I did not allow myself to feel anything for anyone. It is what is called a defensive. Since I was a little girl, I was hurt by those closest to me, so how do you stop that from happening, you do not allow people to be close to you. You do not allow people to get to know you. I have only let two people in far enough and yet that was because they did not hurt me, knowingly. 

I am a very sensitive person and very emotional driven and in this world that is not a good thing to some extend. So as I was growing up, I turned the compassion to anger, to frustration and to shutting my emotions off to the world. I had got into the habit if someone hurting me; I kicked them to the curb. I did not talk to them anymore, who cared what they thought, they hurt me and I am done.  I walked around this world in such turmoil but disguised it as just being a “take no mess” sister when in reality I took no prisoners because to take prisoners you had to care for them. I did not want anyone close to me. 

When I was dating, I am telling you for the smallest offense, he was kicked to the curb. He said one thing I did not like – SEE YA!! My family said that I changed men faster than I changed my underwear…yet it was true. I had this take no mess policy and let me tell you…I believe I might have missed out on some great friendship with that attitude. I did that with everyone in my life not just men but female friends too. I just did not have the time of day for no mess and made sure my life was drama free. If the drama came, Alissa was gone. 

I met my first husband and out of desperation of not being alone, I married him. He was a drug addict and alcoholic but I did not care, thought that I could love him to be right. I thought that with all his problems he had to love me not thinking that he could not love himself which was why he was on drugs, let alone love me. Of course this ended in divorce as after so many fights and beatings, I did not want to end up like my mom…he divorced me as I was waiting for him to get out of rehab. So this message to my warped mind was…even a crack head does not love me, who am I – what I am – not worthy of any love. Ugghhhhh….oh Jesus thank you for loving me when I could not even see who I was in you! 

My second husband came in like a knight in shining amour; filling me with compliments and just being such a smooth talker…should have told me then to leave him alone. My mom told me from the door that he was a pretty boy and I could do better but I did not listen to her. Well he was a pretty boy who had issues too and could not love me past mine as I could not love him past his either. Yet the Lord blessed me with the adoption of my son – my baby boy – Jonathan and for that I am grateful for. Yet that relationship ended when his ways overtook our marriage and there was not coming back from it as I knew that it was not for us to be. So here again, I am sitting there thinking…what is wrong with me? Why did he choose that woman over me, she is old and ugly – why not me? Why can not some one love me!!!?? 

So for one who cuts off the world, what did I do – I cut off the world. I was saved at this point and gave all I had to the Lord, forget men and forget it all. I am not trying to deal with yet another man. NO WAY!!! Yet that is not what happened….

I met Minister Merv on line and after trying to have a serious conversation about something that I could not get him to see my point of view, we started talking on the phone. Our conversations were about the Lord and the word of God. It was awesome and great. We spent hours on end talking about Jesus and the word of God. I was learning and he was a great teacher. My son had no idea about him and I was just enjoying the conversations. 

Yet the more we talked, the more comfortable I was with him, so we talked about work, family and things of that nature. The kinds of things that you do when you are getting to know someone – you know friends. Well then something started to happen, when I did not talk to him I missed him and he was brave enough to tell me one day that he missed me and that just was NOT what I wanted to hear or feel. I did not want to trust anyone every again…everyone hurts me – no way buddy! So I resorted back to my old ways – I started just getting mean and nasty, fussing and just trying to push him away. I did this for an entire year – I mean just straight out being a witch just to get him to leave. For when I did that in the past, they left or I left them, so I wanted to spare myself the hurt and pain of being dumped and truly wanted to be the one to do the dumping. So after a year of that, I dumped him. Yes I did, I kick him to the curb with a bunch of lies about how I did not think we could be together, how maybe I should be with Jonathan’s dad or maybe I should just be alone and forget men period…I laid a bunch of mess on him and walked away. 

Well when I walked away I did not expect to miss him but miss him I did. I had to crawl back to him and ask for forgiveness as I could not understand why I was going through this…I have kicked others to the curb and been able to forget them, but why could I not forget him? Why is he still on my mind? It was during that time that the Lord started telling me to open my heart up and stop fighting it. Merv would always tell me that God sent him to love me and he was going to love me despite what I said or did. So I started to test him yet again.

Well, Merv asked me to marry him and we had at that point come a far way and I had really started to let myself love him. Well, then we get married and guess what…the stupid insecurities comes in yet again. As we are learning each other, I find myself over analyzing and trying to think things through and not relaxing in the happiness. It is as if I had been so unhappy most of my life that I have a hard time accepting happiness. I have a hard time believing that he is not going away. YET THE LORD OUR GOD IS AWESOME! 

God has truly blessed me with a man who has such patience with me – most times…there are times that he loses his patience and I get a chance to be patience with him. Yet I lose it more than he does….it is an area that I turn over to the Lord daily. Yet it is not easy…when you are dealing with all that crap that life has dealt you and swimming inside of you – trying to influence you to not accept things that are meant for you, it makes you feel like you are dumb and just not deserving of the happiness. Yet in all of it, it is a blessing to know that despite all of that God loves you anyhow. 

It is a struggle to allow myself to show love and affection due to my past and to let myself go and truly love with all that I have in me. It is hard to do for my own insecurities of being hurt and bruised yet again, BUT every day I make another positive step in that direction and the Lord encourages me to do so with the love of my hubby.

There are some of us reading this that are single and tired of being single, look to the Lord and if you have some junk in you – my best advice to you is to get that out of you before that man comes, because sometimes you are going to have to be the one to love him to point of acceptance of love and if you are not there, oh the issues that will arise. I do not wish for anyone to go through what I put Merv through in our first year of courtship or even in these first few months of marriage. I have to admit that most of the issues was on me and based on my own reluctance to let go of things and to allow me to love as He (Jesus) calls us to love. 

It is the love of the Lord that I see in my hubby for me…so when I “reject” his love, I am rejecting the love of Jesus…when I hold onto the love inside of me and not share it with him (Merv) then I am not showing Jesus the love I have for Him. So in essences, I am blocking my own happiness. 

For my married sisters, do you sometimes find that your hubby is doing things in the positive manner but you just find it hard to accept it, well we need to look inside of us to see why we are rejecting it. In some cases it has nothing to do with him but with us. There are times that I will fuss at Merv out of my own frustrations and that man will take his hand and rub my shoulders or neck to calm me down. Of course out of embarrassment, I will tell him to stop because we both know it is working and I can’t stand to be wrong! I will admit to it when I am but I can not stand to be wrong, yet most times in those cases I am. There are a few that I am not wrong and watch out for I make sure he knows that. Shame on me –yes I know but I am keeping it real and I am by no means perfect! 

Yet there are plenty of us sisters out there who have awesome husbands who put up with our mess and with our attitudes and with our stubbornness and yet and still we want them to be perfect! We need to stop and show the same love to them that they show us – hey better yet show the same love to them that Jesus shows to us. I know that my husband is waiting for the hardness of me to wear off and because of his love for me – it has started to do so.

I thank God for my hubby and the love of the Lord that he has. I thank God for His obedience to Jesus and I truly thank God for the love He shows me through my hubby. I was told the other day how it must be nice that my hubby is a singer and for him to sing to me…yet I had to think about it, my hubby does not really sing to me – yet when I mentioned it to him, later that night he sang a song to me. One that he wrote that was really beautiful, it was related to the topic that we were talking about but the fact that he remembered that I love to hear him sing was beautiful to me. I smiled and thought to myself WOW! 

My hubby sent me this poem at work via an E-Card

Alissa
It's not every day you can truly love someone and really mean it

It's not every day you can allow someone to share your world with them

It's not every day you can love someone and treasure it minute to minute

It's not every day you can give and give even if it means the truth and so be it, so be it

It's not every day you are overjoyed and happy for what God has given you

It's not every day you can laugh and see your spouse mistakes and love them for who they are (LOL) yeah right

It's not every day you can allow someone to be who they are 100% of the time

It's not every day you can you can be there when times are rough

It's not every day you can

But it is every day with you and that is why I love you so much

Thank You for your love and sharing now come home and cook my dinner! (LOL)

When I read that poem, I got teary eyed along with a big grin on my face. Not just because he loves me, not just because God loves me, but because God loved me so much that He sent this man to love me and to bring me to a deeper love in the Lord. He sent me a man who I know deep in my heart is not going anywhere and who loves me to the point of accepting his love and loving him back. It makes me ashamed of myself sometimes but yet my hubby will tell me that it is alright for the Lord is working it out and I will come to that place too for that is his (Merv) heart’s desire! AMEN!! 

I am a blessed woman and striving every single day to love my husband in the manner that God has called me to and thankful to the Lord that allowed Him to select who was to be for me and who was to love me. I am thankful because as I write this, I know that I am loved, that I am cared for by my hubby more than any other person in this world. He is truly a man of God but yet and still he is my sweetie too. I smile because I fought so long to not be in this relationship and now I am blessed more than I can ever truly understand at this point for the Lord is not done with either one of us. 

So to my sisters who are struggling with themselves and in their marriage – call on the Lord to show you who you are and ask Him to mold you into a better wife and know that HE will do so for He is doing that for me daily! God is about bringing us closer to Him and having a better life in Him…so we are to seek Him and follow Him – all the rest will follow! 

So though I am not where I need to be yet….oh thank you Lord – I am getting there one day at a time….

To Minister Merv – the true man of my life – I love you sweetie with all that I have and thank you for accepting me for how I am and for who I am – and still not leaving me after that for I am a mess but yet the Lord is blessing me to be more like Him and to love you even more every single day! I love ya!!! 

Well until tomorrow,

God Bless and Have an Awesome day in the Lord!

Love your sister in Christ,

Sister Alissa Lynne 

For those that are not aware – we are doing a couple of “help shops” in the New Year based – Our Purpose which is in January, Our Gifts in the Holy Spirit which is in February, and Sister Who Are You Really which is in March. For more details and information – feel free to contact Sister Alissa Lynne at workshops@womenliving4jesus.org

Praise the Lord! I took a little break from self examination because sometimes you need to take a break from that or you will start to feel like you do nothing right. I had to do that and really just needed to just ramble a little bit the last few days of writings. It can take a lot out of you mentally as you think about the changes that need to be done and the flaws that you have. We are all hot messes as some of my dear sisters’ say, but sometimes I just like not to think about being a hot mess. LOL Yet here I am right back here talking away! 

I am putting together the workshop on our purpose in life and it is something as it is really just organizing all the information that I have and weeding out what is good and what is not so good. I was of course then relaying all that I was going over in my own mind about my own purpose and man did a lot of stuff come out. It will be useful in doing the presentation and interacting with others so that if anyone goes through what I have been through they will know that they are not alone. I think for me that is the biggest thing, feeling like I am the only one that experiences it. 

I have been going through some things about my walk in the Lord and feeling like I am not fulfilling all that I need to at this point in my life. I know that sometimes it is just me and has nothing to do with the Lord, remember yesterday I admitted to being a perfectionist. So as I was working on the presentation, the thoughts of doubt come into my mind. I doubted a lot of things. Yet, I could not really shake it, I needed a clearer understanding. Well, when I picked up my hubby, I started asking him questions. How does he know that the visions that he has is from God, how does he know without doubting, does he believe that doubting stops the blessing and what did he do to know that God is? I mean I was really zinging the questions. Yet I am still learning my husband and he is learning me. I am learning to be more patience as he gives this long story about standing on waiting on the Lord – as I rolled my eyes. (He busted me) When I want an answer, I want the answer not a story! LOL I listened to the story and then told him how that did not help me, yet he understood and started telling me his own experiences from a different matter that did help me. I love communication and just being honest with him because I am learning more and more! It is in Jesus that we are able to do that. Yet anyhow, we were talking about waiting on the Lord, standing in His word, and doubting it while we are doing that. He was listening to me go on about how I know what the word says, and I really do, but sometimes it is so hard to really just sit there and WAIT! You see people with other things, you see things going on in their life and yet and still you are waiting. So then my sweetie proceeds to tell me how he waited for me. (Have to give him kudos on that one…if you want to get your wife to smile – remind her how much you love her and how you had to wait on the Lord to make it possible to be with her.) Yet as I was listening to Him, I remember that too on my part. He reminded me how I did not even really think about or concern myself for the finances for the filing of the 501(C) and the Lord sent it to us, how I was not thinking on the web site redesign constantly and then Jesus sent a sister to do it for us – free of charge! Come on now…that is nothing and no one but Jesus. As he reminded me of these things…I got a reality check.

I am always telling sisters that if you are wanting a husband – stop looking and change your focus. DUH!!!! So I am trying to get things in line and some times I remember to change my focus and forget about things and they come right in line with what the Lord has said…same thing about the future plans for us…same thing about who I am and what I am going to do…stop thinking so much sister and forget about it and watch the Lord manifest it! Thank you Lord for sending my own words back to me to keep me trusting more in you – remember my dear sisters and brothers in Christ, it is a learning process…we are being molded and some days it is easier than others to be molded…do not fret though for when you continue to seek Him and His direction – His word says He will be there.

Matthew 7:7-8 7Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

As I woke up on Monday morning with the beginning signs of the flu, I asked my hubby to keep me in prayer and he gave me a scripture for the day…
 

Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

My sister in Christ gave me one also when I asked her to keep me in prayer too…

Psalms 103:1-51Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. 2Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: 3Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; 4Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; 5Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.

I am at the point of not being able to get sick and missing time from work, if I miss time from work, I shall lose my job. I had FMLA and it has expired as all the time was used. I missed a lot of work due to not feeling well with the Lupus, yet and still the Lord is keeping me. Once the FMLA is gone, you are at the mercy of the guidelines for time off. So I have been watching it, yet and still, we know how things go. I am feeling better and able to come to work and on the days that I have a few issues with my legs and whatnot, I have trudged it through by speaking to the Lord about it. I am making it, yet after talking with my boss, if I miss any time before the end of the year outside of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve – I will not have a job. 

Now you talk about calling on Jesus, not in a bad way, asking for His will to be done. I have been working hard at making sure I am getting my rest and not over doing it so that I can come to work, and really praying for the health of my body. God has been working it out for me, so when I woke up Monday morning before it was time to get up with a scratchy throat, I started speaking to the Lord and trusting in Him for this situation too. It is something how every thing will bring us to prayer in the Lord IF we allow it to be. As I was laying there not wanting to get out of bed because the chills have now hit me and my throat is scratchy, my hubby gave me that scripture and I started thinking about my walk in the Lord. 

He did not bring me this far for me to lose my job in this manner; He did not bring me through years of ups and downs with my health for Him to leave me now. I do know that if something happens and I can not make it into work due to illness, then it must have been meant for me to not be at this job any longer. As nothing was due to my own doing so to speak, but just the way life is. 

It was something as I was talking to my boss on Friday about it and she was feeling really bad as she was telling me that if I call off for whatever reason one more time before the end of the year I will have no job. I smiled at her and I think she might have thought I was nuts, BUT I told her that all things work together for the good of them that are the called according to His purpose. Since I know that I did not purposely cause this to happen, as my company is stricter on what they call misuse of time than they are about actually calling off, that the Lord will work it out for me. I know that I am not in trouble for calling off but for not having any unused time to cover the time I am off. Of course the way I am, I sent a letter to Human Resources explaining how the rule of not being able to hold a week of vacation when you have FMLA has lead me to this position of not having any more FMLA time and no vacation time and since I am still human with the possibility of getting sick again along with being a parent and my son getting sick, what am I to do? I requested a review of that policy that they have. This is one thing about me…I have no need to complain at work, I will state what I see and try to offer a solution to the issue while I state that I do not agree about something.  Ugghhhhh Corporate America! LOL There will be a day one day where I will be able to leave it all behind, but not in my time – but in His time! AMEN!!! Please keep me in prayer for my body and mind to be strengthened in the Lord each day! 

Minister Merv and I were talking about the children in our neighborhood and taking them places with us. Our church with a few other churches in our area is having a youth all night bowling event, where we are going to take a few of the kids with us. Since I have do not have a van but a midsize SUV, I can not take more than two of the neighborhood children with us. So of course now we are praying about the funds for a van along with the financial resources to take these children with us, as most of them do not have the money to go so we need to pay for them also. We are also looking to come out of this house with the fellowship and the kids but since they tend to just stop by whenever, we thought of getting a spot near us that allows just that. Of course this would be a combination for that and WL4J as we are moving forward in that blessing. We have a few financial things to get out of the way but we know that God is working that out too. It is truly a blessing to know that no matter what – the Lord is moving on our behalf and when I get out the way and stop focusing on all of is so much, the Lord really moves on it.  How awesome is that!! 

So many times we are the ones that block our blessings – I am learning that I need to continue to take my focus off of things that I can not control…you know kind of like the serenity prayer….

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

On that note, until tomorrow – God bless and truly let go and let God! 

Love your sister in Christ,

Sister Alissa Lynne

Praise the Lord! I am sitting here and wonder what I am going to write about today. LOL I have so much on my mind but yet and still I am a loss for words. I am just sitting here getting ready to work on the My Purpose In Life for the WL4J Workshops in January. My son is watching some Christmas shows that we recorded.

Hummmmm….here let me do this…let me give a little bit about myself that maybe you do not know…I know I am open about things…but I am going to pick 3 things that I think you do not know about me and this will be my writings today!

Unknown Fact #1: Cartoons are my favorite thing to watch. I love cartoon movies and cartoons. It is not because I am a mom, I have always loved cartoons and Disney is my favorite of all times, next is Pixtar! I love Disney movies that are animated, I will watch the live/real people Disney movies BUT I love the cartoons the most. I love Disney so much that when we bought Scene It – I got the Disney version. I know of another sister who loves Disney movies that I am going to have to ask over to play Scene It with me…hummmm if she and I were on a team – we would beat everyone!! LOL

Unknown Fact #2: I am competitive…LOL Yes I love to play games and I love to win BUT I am not a sore loser! I love to play the games and if I lose – I lose! I think I am not a sore loser because I lose so much. I love it though; it challenges me to get better. I am competitive because I am a perfectionist and this is a bad trait in some areas of my life and in other areas of my life it is an asset! LOL I am still learning what areas that is!

Unknown Fact #3: I used to be a size 6 about 15 years ago before I had my thyroid removed…I hate my weight! I really hate being this size and every time I start to lose some weight some other stupid thing happens with my body because here comes more weight! I am praying for a change so that I can get down – maybe not a size 6 but a size 16 would be nice! LOL

It is really something…I truly believe that the little things is can make things so much better. I was up on Saturday night until 1:30 AM – I was so tired but yet I could not go to bed yet because my hubby and I do not get to talk a lot and I miss talking to him so I was up late! I love talking with my hubby and I love talking about the Lord. We were just talking about the things that the Lord has laid on us to do. It is something though as I look around my house and see the smallness of it, yet I feel the blessings of the Lord. We know that God is going to move us out of here eventually yet as I look around, I am starting to appreciate this place for what it is doing for us as Christians. We are receiving growth in the Lord and preparing us for the next step in Him…so I am learning to stop complaining about some things and accept them as He has blessed us in each situation.

I have been trying my best to not complain and Saturday night I lost that one. As Merv and I were talking, I just started going on and on – he said I sounded and looked like a little kids who was not getting their way. I felt that way too! I just felt like I was not getting my way in anything at all. I was really just feeling like – WHEN IS IT MY TURN??!!! LOL I had the thoughts of missing out on things, I felt like everyone was getting their way and not me. I thank God for my hubby as he listened to me and let me go on and on…even though when I get started it is hard to shut me up. LOL Yet after I got it all out, I felt better and then I was sitting there thinking of how I wanted to stop complaining. I am praying against this complaining spirit that hits me from time to time…I need to realize who is in charge of my life and let Him show me how to do that. I am going to get there eventually – I know it and I will! LOL

It is all a process this I am sure…I know that I have become better in some areas so I just have to wait and see what I do for the rest of the areas too. I can do it, this I am sure for all things are possible in Jesus!

Well that is all for today!

Thanks for reading today…let us keep moving forward in Jesus and keeping all things in line with the word of God for our own protection!

Love your sister in Christ,

Sister Alissa Lynne Griffith