Praise the Lord! My sister in Christ – Ms Meeka posted a thing on Facebook about writing 25 random thoughts about yourself and I thought of some random thoughts – some of you may know these and some may not! I upped the number to 30 as there were 30 things flying out at me and there are a couple that I wanted to discuss today.
I love my name – Alissa Lynne
Lynne is my middle name not last name
I fell in love with my husband before seeing him
I never thought I would be a mother
I want more children
I love my life as it is the best ever!
I never feel as if I am living up to the life God has called me to live
I write just like I talk
I used to be shy but Jesus changed that – yet I still need a minute to warm up to some
I have tons of pet peeves that I am asking God to help me let go
I have a temper
I had cancer – THREE TIMES!
I have been healed countless times in my body, mind and spirit…I am truly a walking medical miracle! Praise the Lord – one of many!
I believe that there is good in everyone
I believe that it only takes one to make a difference in the lives of others and truly believe each of us should make a difference in the lives of others by planting seeds of positivity
I grew up in a very negative household
I miss my mom almost daily still
I can not stand sports
I love technology
I pick at my lip when I am nervous or thinking
I know my gifts of the Holy Spirit and just love it!!
I want the world to know the Lord as their personal Savior – especially my loved ones
I do not want to work at my job even though I like it, I want to be doing WL4J stuff
I love being there for my sisters in Christ – it is just a joy even if I get frustrated or not understanding things – I still love it – it makes me feel good about my life and how awesome God is to me!
I have two favorite colors – purple AND red!!
I have a bossy nature – yet I am working on being less bossy
I am very direct to the point that sometimes people get mad at me – working on being tactful
I believe that there is a practical way to everything and that there is more than one way to get to the answer of things
I have a very small inner circle of friends and some who are in that inner circle do not even realize it – I bet!
I still struggle with showing affection!
As I looked over the 30 random thoughts about myself these ones stand out to me….
I never feel as if I am living up to the life God has called me to live
I still struggle with showing affection!
First let me say this…saying that I love the Lord is just second nature to me and not a random thought about myself – it is one of the first thoughts about me so that is why it is not listed in here and why some other things related to my walk with the Lord are not listed while others are….I know someone is going to have something to say about that so let me nip it in the bud first! LOL (See that is the directness that I am working on! LOL)
I think one of my biggest struggles is accepting the love of the Lord 100% in my heart. I know it, I say it, but really coming to accept it is a lot more than that. I think some of us struggle with acceptance more than we are willing to admit.
This is going to open up some things for me so please bear with me as I write this. The other day I said how my husband said a few things to me that truly had me shocked and just almost in tears. I was informed that I am still not showing affection in the manner that he would like to see. He was not trying to be mean or anything and truly did not mean it in a bad way, but I just knew that I was getting better but yet I was but not in the strives that he could tell. I learned that day that I need to be more expressive. Imagine that…yet as I started thinking about it – days later it all stems from my trusting others.
I have a good/bad habit of letting things sit on the side and come back to them later after allowing them to sit for a minute. Sometimes I forget to go back and visit that subject, so that was the case here. I ignored the Holy Spirit telling me to address it the day before, yet was so upset when he did it first, okay yes that is a control thing, still working that out, yet in all honesty, I have been trying to improve, yet I did not think that I was moving at a snails pace.
As I started to think about it and then finally express it to my husband, I noticed that so many times those that do not have these issues of acceptance do not understand how hard it is to accept love and to give it. Now in my case, years of trying to find love in all the wrong places has caused me to build up a wall that has come down tremendously, but because my hubby did not know me prior to my walk in Jesus, he does not see the difference. Sure he sees the little baby steps but not the entire walk of change to that point. It is something as we tend to hold that stuff in, one thing that I tell all sisters to do is to talk to the Lord about the pains and hurts because we never know what they are doing that will effect our lives to reach its full potential in Jesus. As it is all about glorifying the Lord and not ourselves, we have to remember this daily.
As I was talking to a sister the other day who was explaining how some autistic children do not show emotions/affection, I started thinking about myself. Just as these children have to be taught that very thing, so do I. I have to teach myself to let it go. It has become second nature to me to not hug people and to not let myself show the physical emotional side out side of the bedroom.
I was so happy that I wanted to be intimate that I did not stop to think that the same excitement is needed for outside of the bedroom. (or wherever you are intimate at – LOL – hey that is a whole other blog – well that might have to be a workshop – LOL) Yet and still the thought was hey I am good there – this is good enough…NOT! I had thought to myself, girl the Lord has brought you to the point of enjoyment in that area but I have not completely let go. Now I think I wrote in another writing about how that was traumatic for me in both of my previous marriages because I could not relate to them intimately as in sexually, as there are different levels of intimacy. I was so nervous about our wedding night and not just that but after that too…yet the Lord told me that would be just fine – He was right. I thought if that part of me was thawed out then the rest was cool too. Well that is wrong…
I did not think there was a difference in the connection and there is. I realized that I was free from the actual act of intimacy because I accepted that as something that I must get past and come to release…you know let go and let God – but though I thought I did with the other aspect, I have not. What I mean is that I still refrain from giving hugs to those that I am close too, showing the physical affection that is part of a relationship – not just with my husband but all those that I am close too. I still have issues expressing myself in that manner. So I have been working even more diligently in making sure I am vocal.
So in turn all of these areas of needing to improve weigh on my mind sometimes to think I am not living up to the things of the Lord, but yet the Lord speaks to my heart and tells me that He is molding me to be who I am in Him…that my measuring stick for myself is NOT the stick He has for me. He reminds me that He is love, mercy and grace – that He is the truth and the way – as long as I continue to follow Him and seek His direction – all things will work out for my good.
Yesterday in church a sister testified about one of my “favorite” scriptures that I love to repeat over and over again – and as she said her testimony yesterday – there was something that jumped out at me….
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Yes – WE KNOW that ALL THINGS work TOGETHER for good to them that LOVE GOD – yet do you understand that it is to them who are THE CALLED according to HIS purpose! Praise the Lord!! See it made me think – some of us love God, yet we are not THE CALLED according to HIS PURPOSE – some of us love him and are calling towards our purpose. So when I think of that, I think of how my life is to be in His will, in His purpose for me and how much He loves me and I know that I am where I am right now because it is all going to work out for my good! Praise His name. I thank God for knowing my purpose in this life, not just my personal ministry but MY PURPOSE in this life – my many purposes in this life – this is why I am happy in my life for I know who I am in Him, I know who He is to me and WHY He does love me! Praise His Holy Name!
I thought about it, so many struggle with where they are in their life because they do not understand why they are even here…I am blessed to know this and thanking God for it. It was a great pleasure in conducting the My Purpose workshop for it blessed me to be able to see it even more clearly than before. (The My Purpose Series is part of the Good Morning Inspirational emails – both on the WL4J Social Community and in your email if you would like to receive it) I have been such a blessing to me to think on how He decided way before the beginning of creation what my purpose(s) was to be in this life. So many of us walk around not sure at all, but yet we want to have a purpose – we want to have meaning in our lives…make Jesus the center of your life and it will come to be – it will be clear to you too, but we can not slack on making Him center of our lives.
I love the song – Jesus you are the center of my joy!! For in our lives where there is joy – there is Jesus. We can not have joy without Jesus! AMEN! What we thought was joy was not joy until we have the joy of the Lord in our hearts, minds, and souls. It is in Jesus that we have what we need. The word is clear for those that believe that we can have unspeakable joy, joy in the midst of our sorrows and troubles, joy in the good and the bad times – but to have that Joy – Jesus must be the center of your life. If you are going through something right now, where is the center of your life? What is your mind dwelling on? As hard as it gets sometimes – change that focus to the joy of the Lord! Focus on Jesus and keep focusing on Him until your mind and heart changes for that will come to be. I did it the other day and my joy was back in less than 24 hours – it only took that long because I did not want to let things be – I wanted to handled it – I thought I could handle it but the more I did the worse it got – it is in Jesus that all things will work together for my good for I am the called according to His purpose – not one of the – THE CALLED!! AMEN!! Praise the Lord for His mighty blessings this day for tomorrow is not promised and I will give Him praise!
My son had a major triumph in his little life that I am not even sure he is aware of, but because I am – I was just so proud of him. I stopped and not only told him but hugged him. I know that I must be getting better with that because my son has been hugging me more. I took the time to explain to my husband that when I give him hugs and he makes comment – though in fun – I take it personally and sometimes makes me withdrawal back into my shell. I told him that I know I have to fight that, but it is hard sometimes and to be patience with me. I have noticed that he has made an effort to NOT make fun of it in the manner that he used. I think he has to get used to my hugging him more as when I do hug – I have a tendency to not let go. LOL Hey my hubby is my teddy bear; my comfort zone hugs so I enjoy being hugged by him. It is funny how I am aggressive in all areas of my life except my relationships…I have to dig deeper into that for me and since it came to mind, I know that Lord will answer me about that to start me down that path of self examination to line up with the word of God.
I am thankful that the Lord is blessing me and showing me how much to grow more in Him and how He has blessed me with patience people in my life to help me grow more in the Lord. I am truly thankful, now if I can just get over the thoughts of people talking about me – LOL Yes I have those issues too from time to time but I have learned that is called being paranoid and that it does not matter who says what – what matters is what God says. Hummmm….I smile because I am a hot mess but I am a hot mess having a makeover done by Jesus! Who else to make me over, then Jesus Himself as He transformed here on earth and He can transform me too! AMEN!
Let me share with you – my lovely testimony about my son….
As you know my son has been having some problems with not only adjusting to Merv but adjusting to school and all kind of stuff. Well we have been working with him to learn more self control to things that he does not agree with. Yet he had a major milestone this past weekend.
I was upstairs getting things together on Saturday, when I noticed that my son was sitting in his room looking at a picture. The way his reaction was when he saw me, I knew it was of his dad. I did not say a word; I smiled and walked into my room. I never want him to think I am keeping him from his dad. I head on downstairs to talk with Merv and get things together in the house. Jonathan comes downstairs with major attitude. Everything we said, he was just mean. A light bulb went off in my mind…his dad!
So I asked him to sit down. I started out explaining to him that it is not fair to us that he gets mad at his dad and takes it out on us. I explained how we (Merv and I) love him very much and if we could make his dad come visit him – we would be more than glad to do so but yet his dad has made a decision not to do so. I explained to him that is no reflection of who he is and what he will and can do but just the fact that his dad is making bad choices and it does not always feel good when people make bad choices that reflect our lives.
I told him that it might not hurt so much if he put away the pictures for a little while so that he can heal from the pain of his dad leaving him. As I am sure it was hurting him to look at the pictures, he said yes but he misses him. I told him that it was okay to miss him but he can not allow it to control him or his actions. I told him if he wanted to – he could give me the pictures and I will hold onto them for him until he is ready to look at them again. Well the next day – he gave them to me!
I was so happy because it not only meant that he heard me but it also meant that he was ready to heal from the pain and hurt…it was the first step in a long process but it gave me a light in the tunnel of life and I am thankful to the Lord for that light. I shall be thankful for all things that go on with my son that are in the positive manner!
Have a wonderful day in the Lord for He is with you – all you have to do is reach out to Him and allow Him to minister unto you this day!
Love your sister in Christ,
Sister Alissa Lynne
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